Lake Maxinkuckee Its Intrigue
History & Genealogy

Culver, Marshall, Indiana

Who Am I?

WHO AM I? You want an honest answer - I DO NOT KNOW - Why? because I did what people expected of me (or tried my best to do so & never did) - - - I think I was a daughter, a sister, grand daughter, niece, cousin (tho related to no one in Culver directly except for my parents, brother and children; by marriage (forget it...) a wife, a mother, a friend - truthfully I am not sure I pleased anyone in any one of those categories of my life - I just done as I was told - - - and still try to do even to this day and guess I will till the day I die- when I tried to assert my independence it was shot down and still is... I was a nobody and I am yet a nobody to this day...

WORK NEEDED I will do :

webpage designing,
webpage or website management; you provide the webspace site
data basing in excell or access,
word processing,
Proofreading
also family data entry into Personal Ancestral File;
limited research

I do need the work -

Resume of Experience & Credits: Life Memberships (before 1990):

MEMBER OF:

Former memberships:
National Genealogical Society since 1978, was just sent my 25 year pin, 2009 (: just dropped it this year -

Former memberships (1990 & before):

EDUCATION :

OTHER:

GENEALOGY:
Genealogy researcher since 1976, ~~~~~ Published promoted and Printed - The Revised Genealogical Records of John Emery of Newbury, Massachusetts 1982, Book and Updates and now at: a Virtual Online book and his bothers Anthony's section ~~~ Other manuscripts - websites - ENTRY POINT HERE
InGenWeb County Coordinator for Carroll, Greene and Sullivan & on the Website Standards / Assistance Committee Members
Work History:

Who am I? Besides being crazy enough to tackle the history and genealogy of Lake Maxinkuckee ! - I am a genealogy and history nut... Its' all I know - all I have - its me - I have no other skills as I have been told over and over that anything I taught myself does not count in the 'real world' or so I have been told - what little education I got back in 1991-1993 did not count either - as over and over I was told 'I did not meet their qualifcations' - so I am a nobody... I done what everyone else wanted me to do - when I tried to do what I wanted... I am still doing what other people want - except for my genealogy and history - its all that I have thats ME, MYSELF and I as the saying goes! The only thing I have to pass on to others.

I was born in Bloomington, Monroe, Indiana tho my parents were living outside of Indianapolis, Marion, Indiana at the time with an address RR2 box 460 Indianapolis (per my brith certificate)- I was told it was High School Road, Indianapolis and Danville. I do remember dad taking the the 'long way home' from Grandmas some time between 1959-1962 and gandering by the place where he worked and we lived tho I never remembered it nor can I tell you where it was; only that it was west of Indianapolis on what was to have been High School Road, dad never ever said the names of the people he worked for.

My parents were Alvin Robert Mc Kee (1908-1984) and Reba Doris Emery (1920-2009) both were Greene county Indiana natives, they went to the same community school and Church of Christ in Lyons.

They were married at Linton, Greene, Indiana 3 December 1948 and shortly there after moved to Bloomington, Monroe, Indiana, sometime thereafter to near Danville and then to Culver in Nov. 1952 and to Rochester May 1974 and then Bradenton, Manatee, Flordia in Sept. 1974 where they both died.

Mom was a Registerd nurse who had graduated from City Hospital School of Nursing [now Wishard Hospital] at Indianapolis. Dad had been a farmers son. His only education that I know of is that he graduated from high school. When they moved to Bloomington he worked in a drug store [I heard only brief mention of again not name or firm name was given] there and mom as a nurse at the Bloomington Hospital , I assume

Sometime before my birth they had moved to Danville where dad worked on a dairy farm and mom as a nurse at a hospital somewhere in the area. .

So I count myself as much as a "Culverite" as the person who was born actually born in Culver or if their parents lived here at the time of their birth as most can not call Culver their "native town" - as they were either born in near by hospitals - Knox, Plymouth, Rochester, Winamac or as far aways as South Bend - your "native town" is your birthplace.

In November 1952 we came to Culver, Marshall, County [I was 1 year and 1 month old]. Dad came ahead of us - to Culver from Danville, Indiana - to Newmans Dairy work and we lived out on 19th Rd. on the left a top a hill or so I was told - the house has been long since gone. Newman Dairy Farm while they were still marketing their milk to Culver Military Academy which ended in 1957 - which was about or before that dad went work for Arthur Judson Dillon Farm. Again mom worked at the local area hospitall - Marshall County Parkview Hospital ; and in the 1970's took on part-time work for a nursing home in Plymouth also; when needed
YES - I grew up on that "Stinky hog farm" on the corner of St. Rd. 17 & 10 and was un-mercifully teased about it during those years (kids can be very mean); this still haunts me and my childhood memories even today. I remember the little white house clearly and the 2 pine trees that stood out front. It had solid oak wood floors that my Grandfather Emery came up and spent a couple of weeks sanding down and re-finishing for mom. We would sit on the stone wall that bordered the front yard on the 4^th of July to watch the fire works at Culver Military Academy and the coming and going of the cars to the even with Jim Cox standing in the middle of St. Rds. 10 & 17 directing traffic. Other memorable memories are the long nights spent drying grain - or when the trucks which came to load out the hogs for the slaughter house; we would sit in the apporiate barn or shed and watch the goings on. Also learning to ride our second hand bicycle along the edge of St. Rd. 10 & 17; and running through the mud puddle on the corner there.

I entered Culver Elementary School in 1957-58, as a kindergardener - memories of the first day was locking my self into the bathroom. Also being teased and called names by one of the classmates who then promptly moved away from Culver at the end of the school year or the next - but the teasing and name-calling he started stuck around for several more years, making me one of the most un-popular kids of the class - of the school. I can't even remember my teacher for that year!

My first grade (1958-59) teacher was Sandra Fitterling now Mrs. Jack Kyeser. Of this year the memories were of braking an upside down "v" into my two front teeth that had just grown in. This occured out on the playground in that metal contraption made of iron pipe which was three cubes on each side with a single cube on top (the fourth high). The next year Dr. Dunfee at Plymouth done all he could to try and save them till they and to be pulled in July-August 1960 because an abcessed had formed.

2nd grade was 1959-1960 teacher I believe was Gertie Allen it was this year that was spent trying to save my front teeth - chasing the gold caps around that would fall off around to salvage them - to save my mom money I didn't dare loose them and then it was a trip the dentist to have them put back on fun fun fun it was! Especially if this occured out on the playground, but they were always retirved somehow!!

3rd grade was 1960-1961 teacher Margaret Carter; 4th grade was 1961-1962 teacher Mary Esther (Henning) Wierick; 5th Grade 1961-1962 Jean Schricker (her husband was related to Gov. Schricker in some way).

Sometime during this time I took tap and ballet - but because mom wanted me to then it was when she could afford it only; it was the same with piano lessons after we had moved into town - I had Martha (Robinson) Stapan, Ethel Hoffman and finally Miss Goss ( I always flet sorry for them because they never understood why I was a poor attendeder - I loved learning to play and wanted to learn but I had do do as mother wanted I can play - but only for myself ) - 4-H for one year I think because of the cost etc, and I attended one or two girl scout meetings but since they were after school that was out because it required money for books, uniforms etc. Of these experieinces most of all I feel like I was the loser and a failure because I could never complete anything, never be a part of anything

Other memories for now are under the North section of Lakeshore drive and Dillon land pages. There was this hugh built in wall cabinet for dishes and food - and mom stored the asprin on the very top shelf out of reach of us kids or so she thought - how I done it I am not sure - but I climb up there and took some - mom tried getting through to Dr. Kubley via telephone but we had a lady who was on our party line who refused to share the line even in an emergency. Mom just finally gave up trying - hauled me out to the car and headed for the ER at Parkview Hospital - on the way I vomited all over the car. Another was cutting the top of my foot open while swinging by hanging onto the table and washer machine or dryer I fell onto the floor never did find out what cut it unless it was just the sharp edge of the vinyl floor covering - - - taking the meat hammer out of the freezer section of the frig and licking it and it sticking to my tongue - - - making hot coca by myself and pouring it down my chest, it was a disaster anyway as it was thick not drinkable! - - - cutting my leg open mid-calf ( the scar is still there today) by sitting down on the back door step some one had left broken glass on the step and the back door was locked so had to run to the front door - - - the gardens we planted each year between us and Dillons - the Raspberry patch that was where the bowling alley sat- now this area is all a bare lot - all the houses, barns sheds gone now owned by Michael Sheskey. I was aghast when he had the old brick house tore down it was a family homestead a landmark of Cuvler - but of course everything in the name of progress - but WHAT PROGRESS it sits an empty bear lot for the last 10 years now! The old sheds and barns I could see the house no it was a lovely old brick house.

In August of 1960 or 1961 we moved from the corner of State Road 10 & 17 to the other farm Judd Dillon owned on St. Rd. 10 west where Pat Mc Carthy now owns. The only memories from this era is seeing mom running down the garden path chasing a very harmless garden snake and also arriving home on the bus after school seeing the pigs all out running around the yard and in the road and mother chasing after them - her first words to us were: "I have been chasing them all afternoon and I think I have put this one in at least twice before." - she had forgot to check to see where they were getting out of - so as fast as she had corralled them putting them in the front gate of the pen they were just escaping out the backside at the corner edge of the big barn

Judd Dillon had finally went back and finished his college and teaching credentials and decided to quit farming in Augugus 1962 - thus again we moved this time into Culver at the little brown house on the southwest corner (419 Forrest Place) it was owned by Oscar Perrine along with the Lakeshore Garage which he owned and was leased out to Wayne Hittle of Rochester. Dad became manager of the gas station which eventually became Enco and Exxon. memories there were standing under an oil pan all afternoon; pumping gas for the customers - which included the amenities of washing thew windshield, checking tire pressure and checkign the oil. The building burnt in Janaury 1972. We did not live here long as the roof leaked and the electric bills were extermely high - the electric was leaking out but they could not seem to find the problem. After the fire the house was sold and moved out into the country northeast of town somewhere. Living right across from the beach was heaven - we spent all our time during the summer there or at the gas station with dad.

Swimming lesson well they were like everything else - they were free - but it took time and running into town. Mother was never a beach person - i can not remember coming into the Culver Beach really before we moved into town in Aug. 1962. I am not a swimmer - I can f and do a little - I can not even hold my breath properly to swim under water - so it never ever has appealed to me - but I love the lake - I loved the boat rides Zfrank Amond gave us in the 'Maxinkuckee' - whe done small chores for him when he took out tthe swimmign pier and his boat pier in the fall and put it back in in the spring. I would run errands for Emma too when she need things.

Sometime during this persion I remember a bried stint with 4-H - but of course again that took time, and money. Mother would not really help me on my projects - I remember trying to learn to knit as one of the projects - me being left handed and mother right even complicated it She basically refused to help me - i remember Jeanne Epply's mother coming to the rescue and also a Mrs. katlin that lived north of town - she was a german lady and her husband worked in the tailor shop at the academy - both were left handed or were 'saints' for they taught me the basics and from there like everything else I taught my self - thorugh trail and error. i am not a fancy knitter but i can eventually get a pattern figured out and done.

The summer of 1963 - we moved to Main Street Culver - the house on the corner of Cass and Main - it was the Crabb rental house and they owned the Crabb Furniture store next door. This house was bought by Wayne Von Ehr and remodeled - memories there were the President Kennedy being assinated - I was in 6^th grade and sitting in Mrs. Manis' classroom at the time the annoucment came over the school speakers. Loren Carswell was my home room teacher; we rotated between three teachers in preperation for Junior and Senior high school - This was the year of the "new Math" where it took several pages to just answer one problem - it was the year when they decided to try and convert "lefties" to right handed - I REFUSED!!! my other teachers were Mr. Overstreet and Loren Carswell and it was the year of switiching rooms and teachers for classes in preperation for high school - which then consisted of 7-12. Another memory was arriving home from school to find the house full of black smoke - upon reaching the kitchen and the stove I found what was to have been supper - a pot of Vegetable soup - with only a very small charred rement - I opened the back door tossed the pot out into the snow bank and left the door open for air - the phone rang it was mom telling me the soup was on the stove and to turn it on " medium" - all I said oh that is what that was - she had instead of turning it "OFF" had turned it on "HIGH" as she went out to work. Another memory was falling down the back stairs the lead to the garage they were ragged broken concrete - I fell head first and flat on my face - and my father's sunday dinner of Kentucky fried chicken, cole slaw, mashed potatoes and gravey and strawberry pie - needless to say there was little left of the dinner but the chicken - the remainder I was wearing from my chest to my feet when I picked my self up. Permenant reminders of this incedent is a big gash on my left leg that left a sscar still visible today - also a bad ankle - there should be a visible gash there. This remained home until about August 1964

This time the move was to S. Plymouth Street - where part of the Cove sits today - our neighbors were William Hampton, Bob Hodges, the Wilhites, Charles Dickerson, and up on the front row "Main St." Roy Scott residence, Irene Hinkle, Bob & Hazel Hill, Angelo [he worked at the park in the summer], and Mabel & Bess Pura amongest others. There are not many memories here - except the death of my grandfather McKee and grandmother McKee coming to live with us and then she dying in Febuary of 1966. The one memory was the tornado that hit the northern portion of Marshall county and St. Joseph County - tho none came near the Culver area we had the high winds - and I was chasing the brand new garbage can down S. Plymouth St. Mr. Hampton saw me and told me to "let it go" and if the winds got to bad we were to come over to his house and get in the basement - (our rental house only had a crawl pace under it). I remember the area always flooded with the rains and the water run-off from Main St. Another was a sub-zero winter night when the furance went out and Al Poppe had to be called - he tore the whole thing apart - or rather in end had too - it was fuel oil heat and some one had pored pine tar in the fuel tank.

While living here my brother got a paper route for the South Bend Tribune - in fact he eventually had the whole town - and my mother forced me into taking the 'town route' leaving the shorter route the 'Academy route' for him. I never saw any of the money from the paper route it all went to my brother - unless my mother took my portion of the money. This was a seven day a week and meant getting up by 4 or 5 on SUnday mornings to deliver the paper. Mom never would help or drive us - so it meant doing it by bicyle in the rain, snow and heat.

It was also sometime in 1966 mom and I was in South Bend and the sole of my shoe had a crack in it in the arch and I went head first down the basement stairs (they were solid marble) at J. C. Penny's I was carrying a box of carnival glass items mother had purchased down the street - I guess I must of looked a site sprawled flat on my face head first down the stairway I got up walked rest way down; told who ever caming running from the store managemen that I was just fine and then I guess I must of passed out as next thing I knew there was police, EMT's and I had a free ambulance ride to Memorial - a grand headache for over a week afterwards. Needless to say there were several people from Culver at the top of the stairs one if memory serves me right was Eva Doll. Oh well I never did or do anything half-assed! - Guess the package was sent with them - and when we finally got it none of it was broken! :-). I was not to go to activities etc. but I did - as that night was a play at school and Larry Banks was on of the lead actors in it - his mother Alice Banks came picked my up and I went. I also went to school Monday tho I was not too still stiff sore and a sore head.

It was 7th grade I acquired glasses - as to quote the eye doctor who came to school and checked our eyes for free that year I was barely able to see a basketball coming at me. Again I was back into the dentist chair for several months of needed dental work as the plastic paritial I was fitted for in 3rd grade had grown too small. I even ended up having to pay over half that off after I had graduated out of highs school and started working at the Coffee Shop because mom and had not not paid on it or very little each month from 1966/7 to 1970.

Teachers during the 7th and 8th grade period 1964-1965, 1965-1966 some of which I remember were Mrs. Frances England, Jerry Wolfe ( he was our 7 & 8th rade sponsor), Mr. Hooley, Linda Ulrich, Barbara Hughes; Home Ec was Barbara Winters , Violet Overmyer - and from her i learned my basics of sewing and cooking that mother would never really take the time to teach me - I wanted to take home Ec. during my Freshman year - but it was not allowed as I had to follow the college prep.

Summer of 1966 I took Typing with Mr. Miller - to escape the year long class or what ever it was at the time with Ruth shanks or Venice white Freshman year 1966-7, I wanted to take spanish but had I was forced into taking French I - it was to have been easier than spanish - but I all but failed it. So next year I was able to take Spanish. English 9 with Barbara Hughes, High School math; physical Education with Violet Overmyer; and biology

The next move occured during the school year of 1967 - we moved to Lakeshore Dr. (where Wilhites live today) across from the old Ford garage - now an array of shops and a resturant. How time changes - memories there are few - but memorable ones are - coming home from school one day and finding that my mother's sister Norma N. Emery had moved in with us - the death of Pete Onesti in 1968/9 it was on a Sunday and the noon hour - staying up all night during the presidentenal conventions (I used it as part of my semester project for U.S. History) - and seeing Robert Kennedy assinated on TV. - I graduated from CCCHS in May of 1970 - and the house next door burned in 1971/2 which use to be the Lakeside Hotel.

Sophmore year and last year in the old building was 1967-1968 - It was Algbrea I - the new modern math was with Paul Schmidt and subsitute Mr. Mosely (a retired academy instructor) I all but failed that class - Mr. Mosely and dad would help me and show me the old way of doing Algbrea they could just not understand why I was failing when i could work the problems and get the correct answers!; English was Barbara Hughes, health, Physical Education with Violet Overmyer and/or Valerie Hite, world history with Mr. McIntyre and Spanish... got to think some more

Driver's ed. - the Summer of 1968 with Dale R. Long, Mr. Gangloff and others.

1968 - I battled strep throat - and my attendance report of school shows that I missed 24 1/2 days;.

Junior year first year in New building. - Jerry Wolfe - General chemistry; U. S. history - Steve Richie; English 11 - probably carolyn Kline; Spanish - Mrs. Vasquez; , choir - Jan Moon... got to think some more

Senior year. = Government & economics - Steven Ritchie, Choir with Jan Moon; English 12 - Carolyn Kline; Applied Math; Chemistry with Mrs. Colby; got to think some more

School activies were Choir 11 & 12, Sunshine Society 10, 11 & 12; Spanish club 10 & 11, and Yearbook Staff 12.

i was a 1.59 grade point average; the class consistd of 103 and I ranked and 87.5; the only class I got a "b" in was choir, my straight "d" classes for both semesters were french I, Algebra I, spanish II, English II, thes rest bounced between a , D, D+, C, C-, & C+ and like I said before maybe all I ee heard from mom was she could not understand why I could not make better grades - that her and dad were straight 'A' & 'B' students. Should could or would not help me with my studies - dad would when he arrived home after being at the gass station all day. I would drag every single book home every night - do all the reading, required work and yet I seemed to be a failure in high school!

I had no pictures of my self from the schools years the only one I had for years was one done by Olan Mills when I was 6 or 7 out at Louis Banks' and my senior picture - others are just copies from the yearbooks - I don't even remember mother buying any if it did it was just enough for the grandparents, and aunts uncles - We were not allowed to buyt the years books but somehow I did manage to buy my Senior year book - my one frivilous item I guess out of my babysitting money!. I was only allowed to have one photo out of my senior pictures - that I remember I don't even think I had any to pass out to friends or classmates I can not rememeber that's been to long ago. I don't even have the announcment as only enough were purchased by mother to send to relatives only - if any ; Oh but I do have one of my brothers in its vinyal leatherette case that I was given by mother! It was not untill 1990 and our 20th reunion did I go to the Culver Union Township Library and to gather up the all the pages on my grades from the yearbooks - for use during the reunion and so I could have a roster of kids of our class through the years. I still have those pages and hang on them - they are the only items I have of my school years and those came 20 some years late of my school years. There were no report cards saved, no art work etc. I do have my choir letter taken off my sweater I earned (mother wanted the black sweater to wear so I let her have it) and I have some of the articles, the tassle from my graduation cap of my senoir yearr ( that was when caps and gowns were rented and returned to be re-used the next year by someone else).

As indicated above in the Summer of 1968 I took drivers Ed finally - only because my brother wanted too and tho I wanted too mom tried to say I could not. Somehow dad over ruled and I did. This to was the year I had battled Strep throat taking bicillin shots every 2 weeks with penicillin tablets in between and then the shots were evey week with the penicillin tablets in between. Finally in July the doctor put me in Parkview Hospital had every test ran imagineable and nothing - - - it was still raging on and in October the doctor refused to continue to treatment and sent me to Robert Long Hospital/Indiana University Medical Hospital mom took me down - dropped me off and came on back home - This was the week of my birthday in October - it fell on a Sunday - but I know I spent it in the hospital alone. I was alone to face the battery of tests etc. final result was it boiled down to infected tonsils underneath (they pulled that thing that hangs down in back of throat out and towards front of mouth done under only a local anesthia which the person doing the exam allowed to wear off - yeah it hurt like hell - and but found the problem and they wanted me to come back and have the tonsils & anoids only unde local anesthis as the test was done - NO WAY IN HELL removed in not after that experience - I told them we had 2 fine surgeons in Plymouth and I came home finallly and in early November at Parkview Hopsital they were removed by Dr. Rimel - with the promise I could eat a traditional thanksgiving dinner later in month - wrong - my Thanksgiving dinner that year was cream of Potatoe soup as my throat was still raw and sore.

My only job during high school was babysitting after we moved to Lakeshore drive this was for the Trump's, then the Noel's, and Prosser's. And I think they all went through mom - and she did allow me to finally babysit sommetime in 1969/1970 but most of the money went to her or for household bills or toward items need for school - nothing frivilous etc. that was not allowed.

1969 - our class took as trip to Detriot, Michigan; drove through the tunnel over into Canada and back across the bridge (I guess so we could just say we had been to Canada); Henry Ford museum; the kellog factory and a couple of other places in michigan before coming back home. It was a wonder my mother even allowed me to go, but she did .

Began work at the Coffee Shop down the street as a waitress in 1970-June 1972 - the pay $1.25 - two meals and drinks and tips if there were any. I drank coffee because it was cheap, and non-fating (I did not use cream or sugar). Tips were only good when the academy was in or there was speciality camps running. Again most of my money went to mom or household bills; I was only allowed to keep enough for tutiton fees and books for 1 classes per semester finally I was allowed 2 clsses per semester. I loved the work and the people - there was only one sour incident which involved several men who were employed by the Culver Military Academy to sand blast the buildings - they were rude and very inconsiderate but I was taught 'The customer was always right' so I took there rude remarks refused to answer their questions (which was none of their buisness) for several week - finally it got to much - and the boss had stepped out - leaving just me and these men in the restaurant alon and they kept askiing and badgering and telling me I had to answer them - It concerned the amount of money I made, hours I worked and If I worked weekends (which they already basically knew the hours I worked as they were steady customers) as to amount of money I made I told them it was none of he business they made threats of leaving no tip if I did not tell them etc and filing a complaint with the boss - I plainly informed them that they had not left me a tip at any time and they could go file a complaint with the boss and as far as I was could concerned in they did not like my attitude they could go out on Lake Maxinkuckee and chop a hole in it and jump in! They had the gall to ask if I would chop the hole and I said no needless to say they never came back after that - one poor regular local customer walked in on it and had never seen my anger or upset and almost walked out - he never ever said a word to anyone as to what had happened.

I started at Ancilla College 1 course per semester from Sept 1970 - - May 1972, that was all I could afford to pay for as mother kept me drained by making me pay some of her bills or not deposting my checks into the bank at Plymouth (I could not bank at Culver she would not allow it) when they should of been after I paid her bills and they beat the deposit to the bank which mom insisted she had to take to bank instead of me - and I rode to school with Jane Long, Jean Nelson, Mrs. Burke and an academy instructor (to them I am enternally greatefull for the gesture) this continued until my mother finally allowed to to drive by myself; this was only because course I took to apease mother - microbiology and child psychology that would also fit into possibly a teaching career besides nursing which she was still demanding I take.

As for the Coffee Shop job that came about because of dad - mom wanted me to work in the factories at Plymouth and I had several applications in but according to her rules I could only work 3-11 her hours and would have to ride to work with her bdropping me off or the person she rode to work (they took turns driving every other day). Well that did not set with prospective employeers but what was I to do I was not allowed to drive even tho I had my license - mothers rule yet my brother who was a year younger could. All I can remember is dad came home and told me Pearl needed help and would I go down - so I did. At least it did fit the qualifications in a way - it was not even a blocked from the house, I could walk, I would not have to drive (which mother would not allow any way at the time even tho I tooked drivers ed.

I can rememeber mom being in hospital for hital hernia - I was working the Coffee Shop cleaning house - I came home only to find my mom's sister down on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor I had mopped the night before - it was not clean enough - I was half sick dad was sick with the flu - but he kept the station open anyway - I think he was even sick enough to go to the doctor - I had same thing he did and he finally made me go - Dr. Deery gave me these little white pills that were to be the curall and knock me out - well finally did after about 3 1/2 hours and time to take another dose - I have no idea how long I slept before I woke up to find all but one of my pills gone out of the bottle - our little white minature alsakan type dog had gotten the child proof cap off and ate them all! - I done with out the medicine - I took the last remaining pill and hoped that it would half way work - I guess it did as I went back to work the next day.

Another memory was in 1971 the police car pulled up in front of the house - it was early - dad came in the door threw the bank books/bag at me told me to put them away and lock all the doors - and left - I sat for what seemed to be hours - before dad came back home with my brother in tow - he had wrecked out only car down just outside of Delong going into Lieters Ford - landed a telephone pole right down the middle from front to back. I do not remember what he got out of it - all I know he could still drive even tho he had wrecked it after we got it back and I still could not drive anywhere even in town by my self. I can still here mom's word echo to the effect - he is a boy and has to do things now and had to have the "advantages" - you have all the time in the world because I was a girl

Of my childhood - all I can sum it up as you did not question ever - you just obeyed and did as told - my brother was my mother's favorite. My mother and her sister always told everyone I was going to be a Registered Nurse and I was going to their school - City Hospital School of Nursing in Indianapolis; one never disagreed with what either one said... Mother always said the means to go would be there when the time - came; it was not and I did not qualify any way because of my grades. Tho mother forced me to apply and was rejected because of my grades, then tried to make me apply elsewhere - but my math, algebra, chemistry grades were all C's and below; I was just barely a C student in high school; there was just no use and the money was not there to go to school with anyway.

I really can't say what I wanted to be when I grew up as it was drummed into my head that I was to be a Registered Nurse - thats all I ever heard - when I was asked mother or her sister would answer for me. I dared not to say different. So I nodded my head in agreement or said 'Yes' I think to just please them I agreed with them every time they told someone because that is what they wanted and expected of me. I guess I just believed that I was to become a 'Registered Nurse' because mom and her sister was one - because mother seemed to make things happen for what she wanted. Mom or Norma never asked me once in my lifetime what I wanted to be, what I was interested in, basically I was just told what I was going to be and had to accept it. i never remember getting any praise or compliment on things i done from mom or her sister - dad was quite, silent and not around since allot since the work he done as a farm labor and gas station manager occupied much of the day and eveiing hours there were no weeks ends off, .no holidays and no vacations.

Nothing was ever discussed in our house - mom told you what to do or not to do. I do know dad worked - what he made as a salary was never discussed - so I have no idea what he made at Newman's or Dillon's but I do assume the houses we lived in were a part of his working arrangement/salary. As gass station manager i have no idea again it was not discussed I assume the gas sales were a few cents on the amount sold (a percentage) ; i have no idea about the oil, pop, cigarette machine; and ice; the labor for oil and tire changes and basic mechanic work was his I do know. Same with mother - she was a Registered Nurse - but I know she made good money and but she slso liked to spend it - the last 2 years at home all I can remember is bailing her out of over draft fees, paying for Columbia Records that she wanted for the records player (and I got none of them), and paying my then almost 6 year old dental bill off to Dr. Oldham who had long moved out of town.

From there I moved to 419 S. Main in June 1972 and began my life with David Boswell Burns - memories there abound. It was truly HOME it was not a rental house as it had been during my childhood - I still own the house - tho I do not live there - BUT IT IS MINE! For how long with all the turmoil over it I do not know - David chose not to finish bricking it, did not finish the fireplace or did not install a new roof but talked of having it done - he left me with nothing but the house and no work experience - I have tried - and I have tried to hang on to my house - but is it worth keeping the memories alive - - - keeping something David wanted me to have but did not want to provided for - I am beginning to truly have my doubts about the house as family and people have been very been vindictive over it.

I was just a house wife - just a mother - David would never allowed me to work out side the house; like mom there was no praise nor complements. So my kids were very privileged in that they had what I did not have as a child - a mother who did not work - who was around 24/7 whether they appreciated it or not I have no idea [my thoughts were they cared less about me and whether I was around for them as it was dad who "handed out" to them as one of their peers told me a few years ago that he amongest others were envious of that]. They were privileged in they were not recquired to do chores nor did they have to clean their room - David always informed me "that was what I was around for'. Of course because of this I have no solid work skills except those of the house wife, mother, and those I self taught my self - genealogy reasearch and computer. I can lay stone - I learned how by watching David around the lake - so after he died I did lay some stone up around the house, and rebuilt the north wall and built the South wall that I had laid one row in just dirt.

Again these years as a wife & mother all I can sum it up as you did not question ever - you just obeyed and did as told. I done all work the inside house repairs such as painting, steam cleaning, plastering etc. to save money - I look back and wonder why - when it was spent foolishly elsewhere or given to other members of the family and I was left unprovided for except for just the house and trinkets.

I was never well liked - I was never conssder a good student in school - and I never fullfilled my mothers dream and wishes of me becoming a Registered Nurse like her and her sister; so I was a great dis-appointment to them. Also to add to mother's and her sister's dissapointment of me I refuse to pack-up my things along with my son David Boswell Burns and expecting Susie; and move to Flordia with them in the fall of 1974 - thus I became an outcast in my own family. For that I have never been sorry; yet to today I wonder if I would of been better off - or worse off for mother would of controled my life - David & Susie's lives also.

People have said I am like my mother - but I can say I am not - she many a time reminded me that she and dad were a straight A & B students in high school (I was not I was just lucky to get a C of some sort - "D's" seemed to be my most popular grade), she was selfish in alot of ways - she spent and bought what she wanted even if it was not needed. Mother was determined, in away she was heartless and cold; she was career orientated her nursing and nursing associations came before anything. She was not an outgoing person in my mind, she would not join any clubs etc. of Culver and she would not shop in Culver unless she just had to - she went to Indianapolis for our clothing, to Plymouth for groceries etc. and South Bend; and she would not attend church in Culver either first it was the Christain Church (it sat on part of the now library property in Plymouth) and the Church of Christ down on Michigan St. & Oak Hill avenue finally from 1964/5 on or at least till I left home in June 1972. At times I wish she had instilled into me the hard callous, unfeeling, selfishness, career-oriented only attitude that she possessed but alas she did not and why I have no real idea as to why. To me she would of been the ultimate person for the "Women Liber's, rights etc spoke person. I have the last few year desperately wished I had her qualities - but I don't.

Dad - well we he was smart - this I knew from mom as she would reminded me that dad was a straight A & B student in high school; he was hard working, he was mild tempered, he was outgoing when not around mom; he truthfull seemed to do what she said or wanted to do. I vividly remember mother throwing some type of tatrum between the time grandmother McKee came to live with us in Nov. 1964 and when she died in Feb. 1996. There was a very heated arguement over something relate to her and her welfare - what ever it was mother did not agree with dad and began threatening, yelling and screaming divorce; this was the only time I ever heard or saw my parents in a "heated discussion"; dad just basically walked out of the house and to work; he had had enough - could get nowhere with her in the discussion. He really enjoyed his work and especially at the gas station - he enjoyed meeting and serving the people and the community there - Like I said know that his income as it was a percentage of the gas sales etc. and the labor he made from basic mechanic work . In 1964 and 1966 he had to go borrow money to foot the entire burial expenses of his father and mother; his siblings a brother and sister would not help out. In later years after they moved to Flordia dad became more talkative outgoing - but it was in spurts - and I finally one day figured it out - Dad would talk if mother was not around anywhere if she was he was un-talkitive about anything. The greatest times were on the phone with him afterI started genealogy and he loved to talk about the family. He was hard worker - but mother had him under her control too unless he really got riled and his terms & meaning of fair justice to another was crossed - then watch out - you could she him come to a boil and he let ou know just what he did think in no un-certain terms.

School memories are slim and few - as I was not popular and not a joiner - I remember the early taunting even to this day about growing up on the 'stinky hog farm'. I joined the Pep Club during my 7^th, 8^th years only to be taunted on the bus rides to the away games by one girl - I can remember her pulling the fur out of the collar of my winter coat; I did join the Sunshine Society during high school years and the yearbook staff during my senior year; Choir was a class during my Junior and Senior year and I participated in its activities. I can remember mother's words if she even thought I was going to ask to do something "you have plenty of time because your a girl - your brother don't" - I never have figured that out to this day. But from this expeience I never refused to let David or Susie join anything in school - even if they lost interest in it and dropped out on their own accord.

Tho I never had a real great love for history in school it was my favorite subject and I always wanted Latham Lawson as a history teacher but for some reason I never did have him during my 7^th, 8^th, or high school years and yes I was dissappointed.

Mother always shopped at LS Ayers in Indianapolis - it would be at least on a monhtly basis it not every other month - sometime during the mid 1960's she started taking me with her or at least when I rememebr going ; mother sister from Greene county Indiana would drive up and meet us there - One memorable trip was when a local hair salon had burnt my hair to a crisp with a permenant one did not take so they applied another - so during the shopping trip to LS Ayres I was dumped off in their hair salon and they were told to do what had to be done to correct the mess - ithe only thine was a very very short hair cut. Another memorable trip was mom became disatisfied with the local eye doctor (her prescription) thus she would not let me go back to him and she had my eyes tested at the LS Ayres Optical department - and theu had dilated my eyes and on the way home a got very sick to my stomach so I laid down in the front seat and fastened the seat belt around me - and it jammed and could be be opened till we got to dad at the station on Lake Shore Dr (where Osborn's is now). To make matters worse of this eye exam they sent my glasses to Culver city, California because Culver Indiana did not exist to this person or so they claimed (her LS Ayres charge card bore the address of culver Indiana!). We always either ate in the cafetriea in the basement, dinning room in one of upper floor or the famous 'tea room' on the mezziane (balconey) of the first floor. Another memorable time was whem mother bought this very hough cut glass punch bowl with matching under tray and cups sometime while I was in 7th or 8th grade last I seen it it sat on the buffet at the house on Lake Shore Dr. (where Willhites now live); we never used it and I never figured why she had bought it - it was used one time for a school function of some type, Barbara Winters came and got it for either a Home Ec. or Sunshine sponsored event. My favorite time of going was sometime after Thanksgiving (or in November) when all the christmas decorations were out - we would park in the parking garage and walke through the tunnel to to basement of LS Ayers - they had this very hugh tree all trimed out in ornaments and all were for sale individually. W. would walke to 2 other departments stores - Block's and Wasson's (I believe) that was on the circle.
I attend Ancilla College from the fall of 1970-June 1972 - starting out with only American History class under Sister Vivan - and there I think the real "bug" for history hit. When I quit in June 1972 I think I had 17 hours under my belt.

1972 -3 Should of been happiest of my life - as my first child was on the way - born (David Boswell Burns) - but it was a tug of war between my mother, her sister and me - if you call it that - I listened they demanded and threatened - each time they visited me once a week - after they left I would sit and cry for hours afterwards, eat anything in site which was not much except snack foods as David still insisted on eating in restuarants and carrying me home a sandwich - I went from 125-130 to well over 190 by the time David was born - lucky I had no problems , no blood pressure issues (until the day of birth) the doctor even kept telling me I was not all baby and water, but in reality I was - David was 9 lbs. and after he was born I went back to 150 pounds which meant during the whole pregancy I gain only 25 pounds during this whole time dad and David some how remained neutral in all that matters and kept their opinions to themselves etc. - Dad I could believe it of but of David well ... When David was born I learned just how good a nurse my mother was - COLD HEARTED & vindictive - all I had ever heard was how great she was, how compasionate etc etc but I saw none of that in her - by ethically standards she should not of been on duty or my nurse but she would not be relieved of her duties - all I can say is that the day my son was born was a nightmare that no one should live through and even tho to this day I do not forgive my mother or her sister for their actons, and threats; they stood on each side of me and tried to hammer into me that I was not to go back home to David , that he was an un-caring, un-desireable person etc. etc. Sometime afternoon Dr. Deery had to break my water bag and every time i sat up or rolled over my water gushed out and my mother complained about having to change the bed clothes and getting me a dry gown. She started in about grandparents rights , and what I was to do this and that and that if I did not do as she wanted she would take legall action to get what she wanted - she basically kept me upset the whole time I was in the hospital; she had even somehow managed to get David barred from coming to the hospital except for coming to pick me up when I refused to go home with her.

From May 1974 when mom and dad moved from Culver to Rochester she made her demands, threats etc - that I had to bring my son to their place every week or she would file charges against me and she was badgering me constantly that I had to move to Flordia with her, dad and her sister or else... all this was done when dad was not prestent. Well I did not - the or else guess it was not being consider part of the family, knowing what was going on but yet I was to know everything about what they were doing, their health etc. but mother dear would tell me nothing and dad dared not speak unless mother was not around or in hearing distance (when I finally caught on and realized that was the case it was to late but when I did I made sure I called when I knew mother-dear would not be at home or if she was I made a point to call back later, dad loved to talk if mother was not around or within hearing distance I found out!.

I got interest in genealogy in 1976 and started tracing my ancestry only intending to get enough to get me started and I was going to lay it aside until when the kids were grown - that never happened and then David's ancestry I hired done as was all over in Scotland. My step-daughter asked for help in doing work on her mothers ancestry and on the Schrimsher and Green ancestry. Like I said earlier - The greatest times were on the phone with him after I started genealogy and he loved to talk about the family. genealogy opened up an entire new relationship with my dad and for that I am greatful - every phone call he would ask if I had found "Uncle Joe's family yet" and I would have to keep telling him NO and that he had none - and he did no know what we was talking about - but he would always end with Uncle Joe had a family... I was at times very close to telling him he did not know what he was talking about but never did and I am glad I never uttered those words to him - well guess what he did Iknow what he was talking about as I found Uncle Joe's family or part of them in 1988 when I lost my entire McKee manuscript - dad was right Uncle Joe did have a family - was he laughing at me from above? saying "I told you so". Mother - well she would not talk of her family 9tho she had pictures and some newspaper clippings) - she thought I was qrazy for doing it and never ever offered any help - there are times through the years I wished dad was alive...

David loved working around the lake - he worked either for himself or under Bennett's only making enough to cover the cost of supplies and his labor for the boys, and sometimes losing any money he had counted in for labor for himself - but that was David - you did not over charge

1980 - only one time did he work under another person/buisness - and made any money - it was through another business man other than Bennet's who will remain nameless for an academy alumni who had bought a house on academy drive - it was all stone work if remember right and lots of stone walls - I had typed up the bill to David's specifications (I even kept his handwritten copy) - took the kids and went shopping in Plymouth for something - when I arrived home he was sitting in his chair in the living room mad - telling me that I had typed the bill up wrong - I went got his written copy and presented it to him askiing what was wrong with the typed one as it was word for word - he had re-written the bill but the only thing that had changed was the amount of labor for David and his boys - cost of material etc. did not figure into this job as it all had been furnished by the businessman/contractor This person made David double or tripple the labor charges and as I said there were no supplies invoveled as all was supplied by the 'middle man' and was billed seperately by him! It had to be done that way according to David because of the contractor he was working under and he done all the re-billing and collecting from this person had to go through this contractor so called 'middle man'- David claimed was told that he could not bill the person personally for any of the labor work only; I was aghast at how this businessman/contractor chose to rip off this person - of course he also probably received a hefty commission (a percentage of the total cost of David's bill) because he was the middle man. As soon as he got out from under this person he went right back to the way he always billed. And he refused to do any sub-contracting work for the person ever again.

At least the kitchen and the laundry room and a roof over the back house got done at the house and of course the money for most of the materials used in this project went right back into the businessman/contractor's pocket because that's where David instisted of buying most of the supplies because it was local! The kitchen linolium was torn in several places whils being installed by this persons help - it was either patched of glued down to the floor more where it was torn. If supplies were bought out of town I had to do the running after them - He refused to have Bennett's do any of the work - why I have no idea for sure - but I think it was because he thought he could save some money - but I am sorry to say he did not. He refused to let them put siding on the laundry room as he was going to finish bricking the house in the Spring of 1981 and he kept putting it of each time with in the fall, in the spring.... well it never came about - everyone else's work came first and fishing.

1982 February or March seen a six foot hole cut in the back room for the fire place that stayed that wasy until mid Aug. with just a old canvas trap nailed up to it. Some animal had crawled up under the crawl space and died and over the period of weeks got on the ripe side - that's when David decided to at least stone in the hole - and then work at the rest when he wanted too. He never finished the inside like he wanted it done - because john Elliot ahd talked him into putting in a dropp ceiling - so he never did complete the inside of the fireplace at all. And then because wind gusts filling the house with smoke he had to add another 3-4 feet to the outside chimeny - and again he reused to finish it..

And same went when he had the fireplace room, bathroom done and windows put it by another contractor other than Bennett's; the windows used were either discontinued or defective as they were missing screens, handles/cranks, latches etc. and other faults appeared less than a few months after they had been installed and nothing was ever corrected - I could live with it - which I have; this would of never happened if Bennett's had done any of then work (why he would not let Bennet's do the job I have no idea - but I wish it had been done by them). This contractor even gouged the kitchen hallway linolium while his help dragged the cast iron bathtub out of the house - but all this was okay - it was only David he allowed it he would not complain, I had to accept it and live with it and I have. while the big fireplace room was done - David left for his fishing trip to Flordia - the kids beds were moved to the dining room under the chandelier - and they had not bothered it till David found out and told them not to jump on the matteresses which were underneath it or touch it - needless to say - they began and a crystal came up missing off it and never was found again - the contractors found one of them but the was by accident since it did not gilter with all the plastic and black coal dust that filled the room. Years before the house was heated with coal and all that black coal dust from the furance and heat was trapped behind the plaster walls and still is in the other rooms.

1982 - we were to go to flordia for Christmas vacation for 2 weeks - but I had started cleaning house and sometime in the middle of Novemebr I could barely push the sweeper across the floor or breath. The doctor put me on 2 kinds of antibioctic - the last was EES and made everythign worse I could not even motivate while taking it. was sent to South Bend for blood gasses the middle of December. since we had the resevations and a down payment made David decided he would go by himself - take my parents christmas gifts with him. As I had an appointment for the test results on Christmas-eve; nothing was found and I was told to go home and get sick again maybe they could find it, there was one follow -up appointment after that too. My dad's brother at Pinellas park, flordia died on Christmas-eve and mother called expecting me to fly down there for the funeral - sick, with the kids, and no money. We had not been close as they moved to flordia from Wisconsin in 1957/1958; we saw dad's sister thelma only while her fatehr was ill in 1964 and at his funeral and grandfothers in 1966. I saw them in 1972, when mother shipped me to Flordia to try and get me away from david, with lies and help of our neighbor/landlord jane Long. then David, the kids and i stopped to see them in 1978 when we went to flordia; and I also seen Thelma at her brothers funeral in 1985. Mom and dad was them every so often after they moved to bradenton as it was only about a 40 minutes drrive between the 2 homes.

1983 was a slim year but we made it through - he done little work around the alke etc. - there was one group that tried pushing him into putting in a seawall for them - they (3 of them0 came to the house to try convience him it would do him no harm to do the seawall before or soon after he had surgery. He had or was doing some small jobs for Bennett's and used him as an excuse to delay surgery for over 2 weeks. it was the end or middle of July before he went it it was 90 - 100 degree weather - and of course the car had to act up the low coolant light would come on - I had a thermosat put in it, and it still done it - had it checked at a service station in Plymouth and they said it was full of water and okay, david's son-in-law told me it was alright to drive it as long as the low coolant light did not come onr and say on and the temperature gage. i stopped at A&R on the third day of this going on and the radiator was only 1/3 full or less, and when finally filled it was found that there was a hole in the top of it. the mechanic just shook his head and wondered how I had not burnt the engine up in it - but I lef early in the morning, came home in the late evening and never ran the air conditioning.

1983 September - January 25, 1984; really after that as we ran probationary till our certification came trough - my life circle around the basic Emergency medical techician class I volunteered for - we were to attain a grade for 70 or 75 each test our lowest of 11 would be thrown out teste grades were 95, 85, 104, 73 (tossed out), 93, 95, 95, 91, 94, 88, and 86 for a class score of 92.6. The state exam was 25^th January and was in 5 parts we were allowed to make a score of 70-75 on it forget how many was allowed - I scored 80, 96, 84, 84 and 92 = 436/5 = 87.2. My certification came thorugh on 1 April 1984 and shortly there after I was dropped as a EMT for Culver - no real good answers ; one explanation was that it was thought I would failed the class by the 5 ^th class exam and thus would be dropped because of non class preformance.I loved the classes, enjoyed them and enjoyed the time as probationary EMT. But it was a good hard lesson on volunteering for the community - never again would I volunteer for anything! never again would I donate and devote so much time for nothing.

Dad died 25 November 1984 at 5:05 p.m. and just the month before his brother had died on 26 October at 6:35 p.m; it was as if he was trying to die on the same day and same time as his brother - even his sister mentioned this several months later and asked if I had realized it. I know when his brother finaly was diagonised with Alzhiemer's the late summer early fall of 1983 and had told me all he wanted was to live long enough to bury his brother - dad had a sister seven years younger than he but he made no mention of living to see her buried and he lived within 30-40 miles of her. We buried his brother Lowell on the 30^th of October and dad was unable to drive home so Steve drove straight through back to Bradenton, Flordia dad was able to put his Social Security check in the bank on the 3^rd and then entered the hospital never going home. We buried him on Thanksgiving Eve so there was no Thanksgiving that year for either families - what Daivd & the kids had I do not know they fended for themselves while I was gone with no help form any other family members.. My brother's son as I held him in my arms so he could look at his grandfather in his cakset (no one else would do so and refused to , but i felt he had that right to do want he wanted) - Michael uttered "I love you, why could you not not stay for Christmas'

During the years with David he talked of the past of Culver, the lake - its people the cottages etc. - I have tried to remember as much as could of what he told to others and me as he would never sit down and write it out - or sit down and tape-record an oral history - it was interesting, informative to say the least! it is to bad some one di not tie him to one of the lamp posts in the park and refuse to let him go fishing till he put down his memories of culver's past - what a treasure and help it would of been. One time he joked that no one would want to know what he knew, and the assorted details etc. - he sopke of the ices house, hotels (some how blees jolene westafer's heart she got him do do the ice houses and hotels for the cub scouts and we have that much of his memories), he spoke of major fires, the older generations, the cottages and who owned them when some of them were built, as well as some of the non-exiistent businesses.

Proabably late 1988 and early 1989 brought on congestive heart - he had difficulty breathiing and he laid it on to the cigarrettes so he stopped smoking, but it did not help he still had the labored breathing, sat in the chair to sleep and you could hear him on the extension above who ever was calling and often times could not hear they party who was calling. Finally on 23 Sep 1989 he demanded way before 8 a.m. that I immediately get him a doctors appoint, but then promptly left the house to go Hansen's for coffee and still before the doctors office open was back to the house demanding to go immediately; the doctor was not in till 9 or after. We ended up at the hopsital for chest ex-rays and had was just walking into the house when Dr. deery called and wanted him back at the office for an EKG STAT - he asked why and knowing he would not go if told I when he asked and Deery still on the phone I lamely told him I did not know and just that Dr. deery wanted to talk to him in the office immediately, told him we would be there shortly and we went. He was put on Digoxin and lasix that had to be taken every day to regulate the heart rate etc. but he would not take it every day - he would skip a day and then would skip two or more and played mind games about taking the medication - I just kept telling him that he was hurting no one but himself. In December he got down sick with flu or pnuemonia and refused to go to doctor - at after 10 p.m. had to call and get everyone out of bed - there was some type of ballgame on too and of course he had not taken his medication for several days - trying to get what Dr. deery wanted him to take was like pulling hair out - I brought out the cough syrup, laid the piills out along with the asprin, and he refused take them saying he was not goign to take them all at once or at all - Susie and david walked in the middle of it and I told her and David what was going on and told them to try and get those down him while I went got the antibotic from Hooks and John Reniga. It was even raining. When I got home Susie had managed somehow to get him to take all the medications - and he tried to refuse to take the antibiotic as he had already taken all the other - but we finally got that down him. he was still not fully recoverd from what ever he had but he still insisted on going on to Flordia for his annual fishing trip - so I went got all new heart mediciations to take with him to be started the day after he left home - so we had a count of # of pills in the bottle in case anything happened while he was gone - he got as far as the Rochester or Peru truck stop turned around came home (he never would say which and why he had come back home except he was not feeling good) and then was feeliing better by noon and wanted to try it again - since I could not talk him out of it I called Eunice & Glen to see what they could do - they came down and talked to him and i went to the kitchen while they did he came in and looked at me and said if he was going to listen to anyone it would be onlly me ( I just looked at him kept my mouth shut) he did not go to flordia that year if I remember right.

During this the last year his temperment and personality was ever changing after he was diagonised with congestive heart. He was always saying "somethiing is not right' - he would not tell anyone, not even the doctor or Eunice what he felt was wrong. If I said anything about not taking his medicine properly when asked - then I would get the cold treatment and told to mind my own buisness; but for some reason he demand that I go to the doctor with him and be in the room with him while the doctor was present. He became irritable with people; but tried to hide it in their presence. He would talk bad of people he always had liked and got along with putting them down to me - it did not matter who they were family, friends or buisness people. One instance was when we ate out at Papa's he had the pork chop dinner - and he complained etc about the pork chop being burnt and refused to let them take it back and re-do it and ate it anyway and still ranted on about how it was burnt - if memory serves me right in the end we got our meal free and drinks too - but he still went back and ate there. I felt so sorry for the waitresses etc. and I was embarssed over what he had done.

He had accepted a job in Plymouth that last summer - he had promised David that he could go work for him - but he refused to take him making new excuses to him each time (I found out later why after his death whether David knew the reason is beyond me but I know he was disappointed in his father for denying him this oppertunity). He thought it was the 'Golden Goose" - the job to end all jobs - but it was a nightmare in hell for him - he done work I never seen him do before (the boys even said as much too) - just to keep the person's mouth shut - to please here - it had to be done her way - even if wrong - the help got into arguements over the quality - or rather the non-quality worked he done just to keep her mouth and nagging quite. She had spent thousands of dollars on landscape layouts only to deviate from them - she chose shoebricks to go around trees flower beds etc as the landscape plans called for only after they had been ordered delivered to decides that she did not want them; at her instance David had to pay for the all the brick ordered of the job and then she would in turn pay him; sending them back meant a pickup and re-stocking fee that was not counted into the estimate - he would lay the brick according to the design layout of the brick she had choosen - she did not like it - it would all have to be torn out and re-layed her way - brick was sliced paper thin instead of wedge cut of the full to make the circle, turn etc as was normal in brick work. She was forever changing the amount of work being done adding extra cost that was not tallied into the estimate etc. He finally broke away for a short period to do a job for Bennett's and was working on another one for him - just so he would not have to go back up there - or to delay going up there - if she called he used the excuse this work was promised before hers was began.

I dubed her the "bitch on rollerskates" from the time he started the job for her was when he started refusing to take his digoxin and water pill he was to take daily - he went 62 days without them - oh there were a couple of times he came home went straight to the pill bottles and took them - why I never figured out till the day he died - at his insistance I left him alone with Susie to take David to the beach (he could not walk there on his own to feet and dad made sure of that) and I had to stop to get Susie a bottle of dam shampoo too on the way back home at Hooks - I can never forget seeing Glen Schrimsher pulling out of the parking lot ahead of me with his blue light on - for one fleeting moent I did think it was David - but I said "no he could not do that to us" - I go to the house and the help Dan Felda & Mike Shidler was pacing at the back door - greeting me with "is David okay" I asked what was wrong and they told me how he left the job, his color, condtion etc. - by what they described I can not figure out why he did not go to Long Point where Eunice his daughter was living at the time - or how he made it home- but by the time he walked in the door his color was back - he claimed there was nothing wrong and smelled the mulligan stew and wanted to know if was done yet - I walked into the house telling me nothing was wrong he was just fine he was there in his chair watching TV with Susie just as I had left them both laughing etc - it was Don Knotts and the gooofy movie where he turns into a fish - but Susie was standing in the living room with a look of horror on her face in tears and all she could say was she had called the ambulance - I had no more moved the dining room table and Sally Riccardi was knocking on the front door the rest is a nightmare - over half the family was at the house - cars lined the street for several blocks...

The last few years he was alive every time the Culver Academy had events for parents, alumni, board of directors - David would come in saying that some academy person - parent wanted to buy the property for very high dollar amount - but when questioned he would never devulge who the person was - how many he told that story to I do not know but I could never get him to devulge who the person was thus I knew no one sought the property for 'high dollar' as he claimed over and over each time. Why he done it is beyond me - maybe he wanted to ty to make me think the property was "valuable"; who knows really his reasoning behind it.

Then there was the figment of his imagination that he told me that some one on the East Shore had offered to pay our way to Scotland etc. to visit his native land and birth place furnishon all expenses to there, while there and back, I know one of those BIG WHITE LIES - no rather YARNS - Truth is I never believed it - :-), it was just one of his fish tales or yarns made him feel IMPORTANT! it would of been nice - could of delved into the family hisory myself maybe visited grave yards to see what iI could of dug-up on the Scotish ancestors.

The the 20th of Aug 1990. I had taken Susie to South Bend school shopping and when we arrived at the back door little David greeted us "there was something wrong with dad this afternoon; he had refused to let him call older sister Eunice - I made them both walk to beach on their own power but to stop by and tell Nancy to come down - she sat with me for an hour or so and her dad and he promised her he would go to the doctor the next day - but he would not - instead he went back to work for Kreuzberger's that afternoon through Bennett's in the afternoon. The next morning I walked to Adler's for coffee etc. had also stopped on way home at Cactus Charlie's to tell Eunice about her dad that morning and told her he would be home (he had only went to Hansen's to have coffee with the boys) still and I would be there shortly as I had to stop at Andy's to get one of the kids something for school. Cheryl had informed me her grandfather was just fine - and nothing was wrong with him - and that the next time her mother was to be the first to know - I informed her that her grandfather came first - the doctor, the ambulance and what ever the doctor said went came first - and others even my kids would be the last to know until he was under the care of EMT's, doctor or to a medical facility and under medical treament. I had arrived home not to find them arrived yet and David wanting to go to Winamac alone to go find a wrought railing he had the boys deliver to Bennett's brother in Winamac for repair - but was deliver wrong place - I tried to get him take the car and let me drive but he instisted on driving using the excuse the wrought Iron railing would not fit in the truck of the car (it would of) - and on way the home made some weird remark. When we got home the phone rang it was Eunice informing me I was/we were not home and should of been all I said was her dad wanted to go to Winamac and why and asked her if I should of let him go alone as he had planned and hung up. It was either at lunch that day, Wedensday or the day he died - I seen a tear trickling down out of the corner of his eye. He never said anything - I never gave it any special thought; but since then I have and wondered about it.

The day he died - the 23rd August he said that he wanted a pot of Mulligan stew so I went to Park n Shop and got the stuff to make it a chuck roast, canned tomatoes, head of cabbage, 3 lbs of onions, 10 pounds of potatoes, carrotts, celery - but it had not cooked long enough to be tender to eat for the noon meal - - he never got his Mulligan Stew - some of it was given away and the rest was frozen for me to eat later on as the kids never liked it and would not eat it - - dad always gave them money to go eat out somewhere else to eat when we had it! That also went for anything they decided they did not like to eat too.

I thought then and still think today that if he had not taken that job in Plymouth and had not met up with the "bitch on rollerskates" that he would of lived longer - but he did not want to go back up there to work - but he refused to tell her he no longer wanted to finish the job - he kept taking all the small odd jobs around the lkae and anything Bennett's needed done . He refused to tell her he no longer wanted to finish the project and yet he was at a point he could of very easliy as he had finished all the aritchetural planned brick side walks which she had changed many times and to suit her specifications and not the specification of the aritchetural plan she had presented to David for the e stimate of the job. She had paid thousands of dollars for an aritchetural plan of garden and sidewalks and was forever changing the design on David. He done work that me and the workers never had seen him do before just to keep her mouth shut and keep her from "bitching it was not the way it was done" - then why hire a mason to do the job - why did she not do it herself - maybeI would of had a husband and the kids would of had a father for a few more years? This was even causing friction bewteen the workers a themselves and David as they done the work as David had taught them to do it, he would leave the job site come back and start on them that they were not doing it right - it was just a ron win situation' except for the "bitch on rollerskates" for she got the job done how she wanted it done - I often wondered how long it stood up. David thought it was job to end all jobs I think - but truthfully he would of never stopped working - he provd it . The boys insisted on going up the day of the funeral (after the funeral was over) or day after the funeral to clean up the job site - they said it needed to be done - even tho there was a trash dumpster there - they got hold of Leon Bennett got his dump truck and went up there and cleaned up the site for me - rather for David. I went up and seen what they had meant - had a run in with her demanding the last payment back - which had went for the boys labor, the last payment on the bricks etc. How I got safely home I never know - but I did I can only remember pulling into Bennett's and asking for Leon - I was devesated, I was angry and knew I needed help because of her threats. I do blame that job on his death; who knows he may of not of lived much longer - but at least before he started working up there he was taking his medicine every other day only missing an occasional dose - he never had taken medicine in his life except maybe for an asprin then all of a sudden on 23 September 1989 was forced into taking medication and having to have blood drawn every so often to check for the level of digoxin in his system...he also refused to tell Dr. Deery anything - he always told him everythign was fine - he lied to him about taking his medicine properly - his last visit would of caught the lower level of the digoxn in his blood but he lucked out the blood testing machine was not working that day and he swore to Dr. Deery he was taking his medication faithfully!

He had also drawn plans up for a fireplace and some other work in Attica, Indiana for the Curtis/Henderson family but opted to take the Plymouth job first because it seemed to be the "Golden Goose" it was to be the job to end all jobs ...

I had truthfully wished he had not taken that "Golden Goose" the job to end all jobs ... I had always hoped he would be around for David's and Susie's graduation days; that after they were out of High School we would have time to travel to fordia or back out west - the kids and I ceased going to Flordia in 1986 our last trip was December 1985, to spend Christmas with mom and her sister since we could not go back the month after dad died (nov. 1984). Then we went on to Ft. Myers Beach to be with his fishing buddies as we had always done.

I had always dream of making the front porch into a sunroom or open room that could be living space - but not till after the kids wee gone as they did not have to clean after themselves - under their beds was all their junk and all their home work papers - I would just open up the fireplacee screen - and sweep everything to it and then light a match - the only things that were salvaged were their clothes, the pocket change, and my music tapes which Susie loved to play but then only would toss to the floor in or out of the plastic case - David was into that heavy metal C_ _ p like alot of the other kids at the time; so he didn not bother my music tapes but even some of his wee tossed around but they were never salvaged.

The week following David's death Leon Bennett asked if I knew where these plans were and since I was cleaning out the carport had figured I had thrown them away - I had not - I had not even got to the point of cleaning out his truck - I was concerned about the carport and all the stuff there that was out in the open - all either in the ned went into the dumspter I had rented or onto a scrape iron pile someone came and collected for free (I really did not care at that point - 7 shovels without handpes, ?? hoe head, ?? rake heads; rubber waders that leaked - I had saved them for the boys - but they took them right to the dumpster; boxes of old bottles with no writing on them or labels - wet meldewed rotted paper and cardboard. So finally I relented - opened up the truck up long enough to go searching behind and the seat and through the buckets, milk crates in back - and finally in a bucket of tools - I knew what I was looking for it was a light pink, yellow, blue or green file folder - when I finally found it I called down to Bennett's made sure he was there and hand delivered it. The boys ended up doing the job for Leon buying the cement mixer that I would never use - it was not it top condition - it was a Sears special I think even one of the mixer blades in it was gone and they carried off my extension cord that did not go with it - that was for the snow blower and weed eater because David had cabbaged onto mine instead of going buying another because a racoon which was caged dragged the cord into the metal wire caged chewed into in several places while awaiting Bud Lewis' arrival to tote him out into the country side - he ate all his chicken bones gotten from the Corner Tavern - destroyed a 100 plus foot electric cord and lived to snicker about it all! Yes it was plugged into the electric.

David would never let me work out side the home - I had to help when need to run for materials, or after hours to check on the job sites' especially when the job invovled forms and cement seawalls. I was always told the kids did not have to clean up after themselves that was what I was there for...that was all I was good for - and all I could do or was allowed to do besides repairing the house, and mowing the lawn up till 1983. That was when he got sick in July and had to have surgey and he hired Forrest 'Forey' Houghton to mow and from then on I was never allowed to mow again until David died died on 23 Aug. 1990; or till 'Forey' got ill and did not do much mowing - David claimed it was Forey's job not mine!

One family member would always remind me every so often they were glad that I was down there taking care of dad and not them - what does one say with an attitude like that? I just lived with and done what was expected of a wife...

After David's death 23 August 1990 I started this merely as a history of the cottagers and cottages and lake - to have something to occupy my mind and keep me active as I had lost interest in my genealogy - as I could not sit at the computer and work and not remember the past year - I used my genealogy as an escape from reality - to close out what was happening around me so I could survive so I could be there - I shut my emotions and feelings down and eventually off - just coping with each day as it came. September 1989 [when he was diagnoised with congestive heart the seemed not to accept it - not wanting to take his medication properly]... he also kept stating "something is wrong" but he would not express this to Dr. Deery only to me and certain family members who would badger me to "get him to a specialist" - which I could not do with out a referal from Dr. Deery and David's consent - thus he did what he wanted to do...

Mel Walters was working with David until the last month and had worked for him on and off over the years. Many worked for David - for us over years - Mickey McFarland, 'Russ' Russell J. Salyers (he also worked with him at the Academy and took over David's position there when he retired) deceased, Frank Maulky deceased, Paul Kelly, Rodney Kemple, Steve Brasch, Gary brasch, 'Murph' Murphy Wynn, David M. Burns, Rickey Burns, David M. Burns Jr., Joe Jimenez (I believe one year for a while), Scott Croy, Gary Yeazel, ? Boyne, ? Mc Vicker just to name a few there were many who came and went over the years and of course David even used some of Bennett's employees over the years in a pinch. Other names may or will eventually come to mind. Others were just one day help when cement had to bee wheel barrowed from a distance to the lake front to pour a seawall - that required at least 3-4 just maning wheel barrows and with David and at least 2-3 others manning the area of the seawall pouring - it was quite an operation to see one prepared for forming, the forming of it a nd then the actual pouring then the removing of the forms and finish coat to the seawall. The days of cemetn pours were long and continuous hours until the pour was completed - it meant getting sandwiches and drinks to David and the boys so they could eat their noon meal on the run - while pouring cement. There was the 'after hours' of David and I running back to the job site to check on it whenever cement was poured in any form or shape. There was the time he came in with a wide band of grease mark on his one upper arm and bruised - he and been pinned between the loader bucket and an object - which could of resulted in his arm being severed off; the only near accident that I know of ever occuring from his work. His famous saying - "I'll be there Tuesday" to put off those whose jobs he had promised to do - during the evening hours and week-ends when not working he would escape to the middle of the lkae to fish to avoid the phone calls to leave me to handle them.

The kids had there friends after their dad's death and they were with them more than they were at home - the house was a lonely place to be. I had started repairing and painting the plaster walls so I continued doing that - cleaning - stripping up old tile flooring down to the old bare wood floors - stripping out the carpet that need replaced - but no money to do it with and no money to clean it properly with it - plain old fashioned wood floors were alott easier to clean - got some cheap area rugs to cover the bad areas. After the funeral expense were paid then replaced David's chair he was in when he died - and got some other peices as what we had was old and not well taken care of since the kids were allowed to do what ever they wanted - reasoning "they are only kids, your are around to clean up after them, that's what you are around for". I guess I should not of let them go and do as they pleased after their dad died but there was no stopping them - they were allowed to do it while their dad was alive they did not have to listen or obey mom - if mom said 'No' they ran to dad and got to do whatever anyway - they never knew the meaning of 'No' they never really knew what it was to do without - they probably felt the did do with out after their dad died but they money was just not there to hand out on a daily basis behind my back like he done while he was alive. There is always the story of Susie ice skating out on to the middle of the lake one winter - skating around all the fishermen just barely missing their lines - her dad gave her a dollar or two and told her to get home - the story is by the time some called dad 'cheap' she ended up with over $10 and when he came home I was accused of telling her to go out on the ice to him to get moeny from him - SORRY I was not that dumb - I never cared for going out on the ice so why would I send any of my ids out there if I would not do it myself?

May 1991 one finally came and David graduated out of high school - I can still see his 'dog look' expression sittng there amongest his classmates - I know tho he never said that he wished his dad was there he did - I foolishly sent him all his graduation pictures and the video tape - his grandmother got the other one - where it is I have no idea as when my mother died in April 2009 my mother's sister confiscated all the pictures out of her nursing home room before my brother & his wife could get there to collect her belongings - he had his graduation party at the house and not many of the family showed up which was fine; other friends of his dad showed up.

In late 1991 and into spring 1992 I started cleaning up the back lot - tearing down the old chicken coops - burnign small piles as i went or carrying it all to the outdoor incenator that was falling apart - and wheni had not more use for it i knocked it down too and all that remained was the cement pad. then I started stoneing tha bottom half of the house that David had refused to brick - I would work till I was exhausted and could no longer move. i mixed my own cement, loaded the wheel barrel full of rock ad hauled them to the spot I was working myself. If it was too big of a rock and i could not lift it into the wheel barrell I would lay it on its side roll it in and then try to roll the wheel barrell back upright - if it could not be done - then I got down on my hands and knees and rolled the 'big rock" to the front yard one roll at a time often time i had an audience of a couple of neighbors standing in the middle of hawkins Court watching me - then one offered a plastic sled - i found a wide board to place either over the small of my back or my stomach and then placed the rope over that board and then tugged and pulled like a 'work horse or mule' the big rocks to the front yard one at a time. One time I remember David telling me iI was lazy etc. etc. and a few other things because the dishes were still in the kitchen sink dirty and not in the dishwasher and then he went in and stood in the living room window looking out smiling watching me work my ass off - never offering to mix cement, get a load of rock or anything. Another time he was with Kelly Peterson and I was getting ready to go get a load of rock - kelly took the wheel barrel from me asked me where the rock were went loaded them and wheeled them back to me - all the time David just stood in the front yard waiting for Kelly, watching me work..

1993 I started to go to the dances at the Eagles with friends - dances where not allowed to be attended while I was a kid and at home.. I was not allowed to attend my Jr-Sr proms. David would never go to any dances and would not stay at any wedding rections etc. that had dances for long; but I heard from others he was a good dancer.

May 1993 came and Susie also made it through graduation - she was not so down, gloomy, sad looking - but too I know she probably only wanted her father there - mom did not matter - she had her graduation party at the house and not many of the family and only of few others showed up the same invitation list as David had been sent out - which was fine, I guess I sould of expected there would not of been as many. She barely made an appearance and went then on to other graduation parties of her classmates or to her future husbands Jason Weldon's party. Someone told I should of went to Jason's grauation party - but I had no inviation to it, plus I had no idea where they lived and i I had Susie's either to prepare for and set-up or be there to greet the guests that showed up - when it was over there was the clean up

I gave Susie & Jason my wedding band set and her dads ring I had bought him and she had it done over as there wedding set. The one leaf had broke off some how it contained a small diamond chip - some how I miracously found it - I placed it in a small bag and put it away for safe keeping till there was money to have it repaired; but it never came about and then where the rings were re-sized began to crack open and there was no money to have them repaired so I placed rings with the leaf tip. David wore his still on occasion. as an after thought - maybe David's ring should of went to david but I fiigured with the gold in it and the small diamond it had it would be enough to have the wedding set re-designed and mounted; thus saving some money for them.

Susie moved out in June 1993 - and David went off to Ball State in August 1993. Susie only would come in to see David mainly. After he was off to college only time she would come to the house was to tell me he was coming home f or the weekend. He would come home long enough to throw his things into the house - do his laundry rest of time he was out and about Culver with his friends. She did come by and have me help take 'tinker' the cat the cat to her house; it was her cat to begin with - as she knabed on it before 1982 and mom ended up caring for her most of the time.

I have been told that I am selfish and un-caring by certain family members - guess I was and guess I am. I guess selfishness is giving away all my genealogy for "free", doing this site and other genealogy sites (InGenWeb and UsGenWeb projects) for "free" just because I love genealogy and history and want to preserve some of it without compensation other than a "thank you". I guess back when - doing without so the kids could have or others in the family was selfish; cashing in my small annuity the year David died to pay the bills, the workers and have food was selfish; and in a pinch giving up the piggy bank change went for same when it was meant to fix up the house this was being selfish... Selfish was medical and dental car after to kids as there was no insurance to cover doctor's fees, tests, only hospitializaton which was worthless as there was only one time I used it on an outpatient basis as was demanded and they only paid $200-250 of over a $1000.00 blood gas test bill when I had a lung infection of some type.

I guess I was very selfish - by not looking out for my future - hoarding all the money I could get my hands on, or refusing to pay the bills and stashing it way...by staying home and obeying David's orders "I could not work as long as he was alive." Or refusing to have work hired done that I could do - I would not hire lawn mowing (but David did from 1983 on and I was told I could not mow the lawn it was Forey's job).

I remember going to several places in town seeking employement being turned down - one was a restaurant uptown just be be a dishwasher or kitchen help (all I really knew since I was a waitress from 1970-June 1972 at the Coffe Shop and we waited tables, washed the dishes and done the scrubbing and mopping too) and the owner turned me down telling me I had to go and get a job out at Walker's - which only hired "quailifed , experienced factory workers' , I did not qualify as I had never worked in a factory. I did not want to be a waitress as it would of 'embaraseed family' as they told everyone i was "set for life and had no worries" - plus I was to olld - in my mind as all that seemed to be wanted was the "younger girls'. I need the work history - somewhere where I could basically walk to, if the weather was nice and very short car travell to curb expenses; no one locally was willing to give me that chance, oppertunity.

I also tried for an lowly office job at the Culver Military Academy such as filing, compuer data entry etc. - first time I was basically ridiculed - just befoe i began the typing test she went over to the typewriter took out the correction ribbon held it between her thumb and forefinger of each had strached out in front of her saying to the effect "I have to do this you know some people cheat" and then being asked "Do you really want to do this right now?" ( I just clamped my mouth shut and bit my tongue hard!; being told even tho I knew computer, business skills, bookeeping, filing etc. (self taught with David's occupation and working around the lake) I had no education to back it up so I was unqualifed and she could not hire me but each time I was turned down But that did not matter and after i had the So I went back to Ancilla and started with the computer course and business courses. But I kept going back every time I finished a semester anyway to see if I could get some type of office job there but eash time I was refused time and time again, I tired the whole time I attended Ancillia and for a few months after May 1993 and just gave up - the final straw came with the academy and its personel department was when I was told by this personnel departmet person that the education now did not really count or matter!?@#?@!?????? and that I had to accept a part-time job in the janitorial department or kitchen mess hall ; and that was all she was ever willing to give me! I even have one or two to this day tell me I worked at the academy right after David died - I do not know where they got there information but it is very very i in-corrrect!

Another incident just shortly after David died on 23 August 1990 and before Davey graduated in May of 1991 was another who shall remain nameless offered to buy the property for $10,000.00 and told me I had to move myself and the kids to Las Vegas and work as a waitress/bar hop out there; this was done in the middle of Adler's which was uncalled for and not proper in my mind but what did I know.WHY? My kids were Seniors and Sophomores in high school, had their friends in Culver, had attened Culver since the beginning or their school career - and wanted to graduate from Culver; besides Culver was their home - they had just had enough trama in their lives let alone uprooting them from the only life they knew. It was my home also I have nevr lived anyother place that I remember - my paents moved to utside of Culve when I was 1 year and 1 month, ?? days, as was told we came or dad did on Thanksgiving day.

So I settled for any odd part time job that would have me, Manpower what ever - yet trying to find work that related to Computer science and Business adminsitration and kept getting told "my qualifications did not meet theirs" or "Do you really want to travel this far to work?" - It all boiled down to what they did not want to say and put in writing because of dicrimination laws - I was over 40 and I had no work history except for the few years I worked at the Coffee Shop there in Culver from 1970-1972; and none of the odd jobs I was getting qualified me for anything but manual labor - Manpower refused to send me to jobs relating to computers, business and office even tho thats what I tested for when I signed up with them and listed my college courses and major etc.

At least I did prove that I COULD DO IT - I graduated Ancilla with a Comptuer Science and Business Administration Associates degree tho it never has done me a bit of good in getting employment in those fields or in office work - in that way it was a waste of ime effort, money, scholarship money and grants BUT in another sense it made me feel good about myself which I have trouble doing even now today. I did not have the "EXPERIENICE" to back it up and NO ONE WOULD GIVE ME THE OPPERTUNITY to get or obtain any - only getting "my qualifications did not meet theirs" or "Do you really want to travel this far to work?" -

It still do what I can in genealogy that is FREE - find FREE computer programs or those that come installed on the computer or given to me other wise and teach myself how to use them and become profiecient in them - I self taught my self webpage designing and still doing so - but again it is useless when it comes to finding employement because it is not backed-up by educational degrees - and I am to old to do that again and get no where with it.

Selfish is doing the InGenWeb sites; giving my genealogy research away free of charge to family friemds, distant cousins. Selfish is doing theLake Maxinkuckee website too I guess. But with it I keep up my old skills and yet learn new ones even tho they do not benifit me financially in any way and I learn new bits of history as I trudge along my path of reasearch.

I am still hanging on to the house at Culver - why - because it is mine - because David left it to me -becaused I dreamed I would never leave it --- that I would died there --- that I would make the front porch into a sunporch/living area -- seems like a fantsy now. I at times wonder what he even left it to me - yet he did - - the last few months he kept telling me I would not have the house more than 6 months after he did as someone would steal it from me... he would never say who, why or how it was to come about...well its sure been a long 6 months! I should never have rented it in the mid 1990's but was talked into it by some of the Culver Eagle's members because a memeber needed a place to live - and it was infered it was sitting there empty and it was being selfish to let it sit empty...well I wish I had been self, i nconsiderate and whatever else - I would of been far better off if I had refused. I try not to cry each time I go there - into it - but if not outwardly I do inwardly - wonder what would of been if David would of lived just a few years longer - if he had left me provided for - if he had allowed me to work.... all the "ifs" that can't be changed...

I keept gathering up stuff we get from a good samaratain shop to store to go to goodwill to south Bend - such as dishes, pots & pans, etc. for up at the House at culver anything that will help restore it - have found several stained glass ceiling lamp shades that need minor repair or that patrts can be taken and a whole one made maybe if can fin someone to do it - Yeah I love that type of stuff.

Spring 2009 is coming or is it? - Easter is too - the symbol of hope, ressurection and rejoicing is it??? We all definetely know the ecomony sucks - excuse my language - and I am sorry to say that we are not in a recession we are in a DEPRESSION - no one wants to admit it - go read the books on the "Great Depression" - this one has it BEAT by a mile - I done a term thesis on it - back when - it was to be limited to 3 pages - The reason it came about, the cause, the effect and the outcome - I had over 50 pages headed for 100 - I forget what I go it trimmed down to but I still have my paper on it - my parents lived through it - I heard their stories - the cream corn & fried potatoes & onions as a meal; for sunday supper was peaches & cream and if you had that you were in 7^th heaven and had more more than others. I have several depression cookbooks where recipes were developed becaus of the "lack of" and there are wonderful stories and some pictures in them -

I am no longer to proud to ask for help in fact in am DESPERATE - All I want is my house that David gave me - maybe to be able to return to it in my old age proably before - tho I am feeling so much older than I am - we are going to need it as a second emergency residence as a friend is in the Miller's Merry Manor at Culver that I am caregiver for - as place to stay in bad weather near by during winter storms etc. (this winter is prime example in way). Now the other friend has went through open heart surgery [aortic valve replacement; right coronary artery bypass, left coronary artery branch by pass; .

I guess I am stupid for caring for others - whether anyone believes it I have always put my self last - I have no self confidence - I do not stand up for my self till its to late - or pushed to the point of non-return - I was never taught by my mother to stand up for my self, my rights - dad well he was "smart, quite, laid back" but he was domineered by mother because she had the "education" she had the "high-paying job" - he was not the one who ruled the house until pushed - he did not believe in un-fairness - - he worked long hard hours - I can remember him coming home afer 9 or 10 p.m. from managing the service station to help me with my homework - - mother never did the only words from her was "I was going to be a registered nurse, she always berated me - her and dad were honor students in High School she could never understand why I barley made a "C" or passing grade maybe an occassionaly "B" if it was a topic I liked or course I liked.

I am failure in her eyes - because I did not attend her nursing school, and become a registered nurse - I did not obey her commands and take my children and move to Flordia with her - I was never taught to be callous or uncaring or if she tried I never learned - I easily exploded when pushed to far - I cry when someone condones me for who I am, what I do, and when I fail to please whom ever - I basically say "yes sir/mam" "no Sir/mam" - I have no confidence to fight back unless I am pushed to a very angered state - then my emoitions take over and fail me. I let people run over me - I have very little self-confidence to fight back in person - it is hidden behind words - I feel and know that I always been a failure in my mother's eyes.

The house would sure be a nice place to be in the winter time nearer to the doctor's office, Plymouth etc and where good ambulance service is available for my friend - to be near my friend who is at Miller's I can walk there is necessary and would -

Every one comes before me and my wants, needs, health - that is what my mother instilled in me - you done what she said, what she wanted, she took what she wanted also after I went to work after high school - she used the "guilt" that she raised me, she provided for me and that I owed her. I was never really allowed to associate, join etc, there is a part of my childhood I lived that I hid and still do - that was never spoke of with my mother or father; or my Aunt, my mothers sister - I ask did they know? Did she hid it from Dad? Just who knew? I am digging for answers till I have these answers concerning that "family person in my life" I doubt if I ever will be a whole confident person - and I have reached the so-called "golden-era" of my life - I realize I may never know what I want to know yet I know part but yet I still need more to "connect the dots" of facts, information that I do not have - Oh well will just have to accept the way things was and are I guess. I am telling more than I probably should - and yet is the "so-called hidden secret" of families that can destory a person - a person's confidence and I have had to live with it without knowing why, why me - why it was allowed.

I have probably said to much - but I have basically lived all my life to please my mother, to please others of my deceased husbands family - to please Culver - please my children - but it seems I did not suceeded at it - I have silent born the guilt - I have silently cried in the night wondering why? - Why me? and then in being told that I was and am "selfish" because I tried to stand up for my self, be myself, and wish for better life - opertunities for myself - - I was only to please my my mother, my husband - my children - they came first before me - my feelings - what I wanted to do and needed came las and always has , then I guess then that I am truly a selfish - greedy person.

I felt guilty when I purchased my first computer system a Kaypro 2- 5 1/4 floppy system I even almost seen if I could cancel the order before it came - as a finanical set-back had happen, so I could have the money that was pre-paid for it for bills, food etc. Then it came and iI even considered sending it back; but decided not to - it was my money I had saved up for it. When ii opened the door and saw the 3-4 boxes I wondered what I had gotten my self into - I unpacked it all - set it all up piece by piece and then went to work trying to learn how to use it and make it work; i never went anywhere to take classes . nor did I ask anyone for help I done it all by trail and error. I had that computer for 13+ years and taught my self computer programs one at a time

I felt guilty when I persued genealogy but I learned of my family that my mother and father would not talk of - I found great aunts and uncles I never knew existed and I learned more of our great United States history to through it. Thanks to it I have my Great Grandfather McKee's civil War Diaries.

I felt guilty when I went back to Ancilla in 1991 - tho it proved I could do it, tho it was worthless to me in getting a job it did not make the diference as another had said it would. It was just another self-accomplishment under my belt with no recongination and no value except to my personal esteem, my selfishness so some would say.

Yes I have been told I am a selfish, conceded person - only caring for myself and no one else - well then I guess I am but I sure have nothing to show for it but a house that at present is not livable - that's a whole other story of being selfish and greedy on my part...

I was at friends when their house blew up from propane gas leak on 16 ^th Dec. 1993 how we got out alive or un-hurt is beyond me but we did and I gave them a place to live and then I moved out with them and have been housekeeper, caegiver etc. ever since - at least its a roof over my head and food. They store clothes from a Good Samaratian store until there is enough for a Goodwill truck to come down from South Bend to pick up - so they are not either burned or pitched to a local landfill - from this comes all my clothing and shoes etc. I am not proud I wear all second hand clothing - like I did when I was in high school - most of my then came from a nurse my mother worked and traded rides with and lived on the academy campus and the dresses, skirts, blouses I wore came from her and another woman who's husband was connected with the academy.

July 2004 - for two days in the mornings when I woke up I coughed up blood. It started on Monday morning a quite after a few minutes. tuesday mornign it started in and would not stop - got scared friends took me to Pulaksi Memorial and spent over 3 hours there for bookd tests, x-ray/MRI without contrast - as back in 1968 I had a reaction to an x-ray dye so they took precaution giving me medicine to help allivate a possible allergic reaction and I went back for the contrast on Wedensday - but we know more got a mile from the hospital and i began coughing up hugh amounts of blood again - no did not turn back and return to hospital - why just to spend another 3 hours there and be sent home - it stopped, - they sent me home with an anitbotic too - after thefinaly MRI had to wait a week to find out results. Again like in 1982 the resulst came back nothing could be found - - but if i was worried i could go to valpo and have a trans... something done but was told it was expensive - so I decided against it - Did not wake up coughing up blood on the third day - and thank goodness nothing has occured since - I just try to be careful a when i feel a cold or pluresey coming on. I'll live till I die - we have no control over that no matter what we do. after this experience i can not see dishing out money for doctor and medical test fees for nothing just be told nothing could be found and to get sick again... -

I am fustrated - the XP unit went "Dead" the last friday of August 2008 - - - found an old 95 unit and got it to run - - - was given an 98SE but it has its a debugger on it that wants to de-bug everything on the internet and all pages I work on and adobe flash wants to install then tells me it can't - I am getting now where fast -- only angry, more fustrated and trying not to sit here in front of the dam thing and bawl---I do have alot of stuff in the background that needs to be worked on and up

SORRY trying my best ---

Oh I am told I can't get sick - - I got to be strong - I have to hang in - well this gal is getting old, tired, fustrated, disillisuioned and to the point she don't want to hang in, be strong... and she is selfish she wants to be sick! - ITS MY TURN after what 19 years - no - after 36 years when David was born - but I can't afford to be sick there is no medical insurance, no money to pay medical bills, medicine and I do not fully trust doctors anymore anyway - if I am sick I keep on going like the energizer bunny - I got too - I got to be strong - I have to be there for whomever...the way it has been ever since I was a teenager its never changed - it was instilled in me - pounded into me so to speak by my mother.

Just recently (Nov 2009) I was again told I could draw from David's Social Security and should of been drawing from it...well I can't just yet...maybe in 4 another years MAYBE - If I am around...If Social Security still exists...If there is anything left and benifits for me as a widow...

Mother Died April 2009 - l she fell she was in assisted living and was going to be in full nursing home care - she refused to eat and refused to take her mediicine - she was a Registered nurse so she knew all to well what the consquences was - she always did say she was no one was going to care for her and she was not going into a nursing home and live out her life - thus she done what she wanted.

My attitude of nursing homes - well David always claimed he would go buy a new rope and...before he would ever go into one. Well I hate to say it I trully second that opinion after the last few years.

My hopes, dreams...well nothing really I am to the point I can no longer hope...dream...wish... but iI try its for my house... and for this site (Lake Maxinkuckee) and my wish list for it.

Is life what I expected it to be or of it - HELL NO - I had hoped that David and I would have time for our selves after David and Susie was out of High School - - - that possibly we could travel possible by our selves if only to Florida and back ( Ha Ha knew that would never happen any way ) - - - Funny I believed in family... I was told by his grand daughter, that I was never considered a Burns by them - and was not to use the name .... makes me feel like I was used, unappreciated by husband, children, and family...I hear the echoing words of one family memeber "I am glad it was you down there taking care of him and not me', but of course it was nerver said when anyone was around to hear it other than me ...
thus no I do not have any self esteem, self confidence, etc. etc. over the years it has all been taken away from me, beaten out of me whatever other terms you want to use... I was to do as asked by them or others what they wanted...not to question...

Last updated 8.12.2009

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