Lake Maxinkuckee Its Intrigue
History & Genealogy

Culver, Marshall, Indiana

Who Am I?

WHO AM I? You want an honest answer - I DO NOT KNOW - Why? because I did what people expected of me (or tried my best to do so & never did) - - - I think I was a daughter, a sister, grand daughter, niece, cousin (tho related to no one in Culver directly except for my parents, brother and children; by marriage (forget it...) a wife, a mother, a friend - truthfully I am not sure I pleased anyone in any one of those categories of my life - I just done as I was told - - - and still try to do even to this day and guess I will till the day I die- when I tried to assert my independence it was shot down and still is... I was a nobody and I am yet a nobody to this day...

WORK NEEDED I will do :

webpage designing,
webpage or website management; you provide the webspace site
data basing in excell or access,
word processing,
Proofreading
also family data entry into Personal Ancestral File;
limited research

I do need the work -

Resume of Experience & Credits: Life Memberships (before 1990):

MEMBER OF:

Former memberships:
National Genealogical Society since 1978, was just sent my 25 year pin, 2009 (: just dropped it this year -

Former memberships (1990 & before):

EDUCATION :

OTHER:

GENEALOGY:
Genealogy researcher since 1976, ~~~~~ Published promoted and Printed - The Revised Genealogical Records of John Emery of Newbury, Massachusetts 1982, Book and Updates and now at: a Virtual Online book and his bothers Anthony's section ~~~ Other manuscripts - websites - ENTRY POINT HERE
InGenWeb County Coordinator for Carroll, Greene and Sullivan & on the Website Standards / Assistance Committee Members
Work History:

Who am I? Besides being crazy enough to tackle the history and genealogy of Lake Maxinkuckee ! - I am a genealogy and history nut...Its' all I know all I have its me - I have no other skills anythign I taught myself does not count in the 'real world' or so I have been told over the years - what little education I got back in 1991-1993 did not count either - over and over I was told 'I did not meet their qualifcations' - so I am a nobody...I done what everyone else wanted me to do - when I tried to do what I wanted...I am still doing what other people want - except for my genealogy and history - its all that I have thats ME, MYSELF and I as the saying goes! The only thing I have to pass on to others.

I was born in Bloomington, Monroe, Indiana tho my parents were living outside of Indianapolis, Marion, Indiana at the time with an address RR2 box 460 Indianapolis (per my brith certificate)- I was told it was High School Road, Indianapolis and Danville. I do rememebr dad taking the the 'long way home' from Grandmas some time between 1959-1962 and gandering by the place where he worked and we lived tho I never remembered it nor can I tell you where it was.

My parents were Alvin Robert Mc Kee (1908-1984) and Reba Doris Emery (1920-2009) both were Greene county Indiana natives being raised, went to the same community school and Church of Christ in Lyons.

They were married at Linton, Greene, Indiana 3 December 1948 and shortly there after moved to Bloomington, Monroe, Indiana, sometime thereafter to near Danville and then to Culver in Nov. 1952 and to Rochester May 1974 and then Bradenton, Manatee, Flordia in Sept. 1974 where they both died.

Mom was a Registerd nurse who had graduated from City Hospital School of Nursing [now Wishard Hospital] at Indianapolis. Dad had been a farmers son. His only education that I know of is that he graduated from high school. When they moved to Bloomington he worked in a drug store [I heard only brief mention of] there and mom as a nurse at the hospital.

Sometime before my birth they had moved to Danville where dad worked on a dairy farm and mom as a nurse at the hospital. In Novemebr 1952 we came to 19th B Road Culver, Marshall, County [I was 1 year and 1 month old]; as dad began working for the Newman Dairy Farm while they were still marketing their milk to Culver Military Academy which ended in 1957 - which was about or before that dad went work for Arthur Judson Dillon Farm. Again mom worked at the local area hospital; and in the 1970's took on part-time work for a nursing home in Plymouth also; when needed.

So I count myself as much as a "Culverite" as the person who was born actually born in Culver or if their parents lived here at the time of their birth as most can not call Culver their "native town" - as they were either born in near by hospitals - Knox, Plymouth, Rochester, Winamac or as far aways as South Bend - your "native town" is your birthplace.

Dad came ahead of us - to Culver from Danville, Indiana where he worked on a farm of some type - to Newmans work and we lived out on 19th Rd. on the left a top a hill or so I was told - the house has been long since gone -when Newman's went out of the milking business and went to work for Arthur Judson 'Judd' Dillion.

YES - I grew up on that "Stinky hog farm" on the corner of St. Rd. 17 & 10 and was un-mercifully teased about it during those years (kids can be very mean); this still haunts me and my childhood memories even today. I remember the little white house clearly and the 2 pine trees that stood out front. It had solid oak wood floors that my Grandfather Emery came up and spent a couple of weeks sanding down and re-finishing for mom. We would sit on the stone wall that bordered the front yard on the 4^th of July to watch the fire works at Culver Military Academy and the coming and going of the cars to the even with Jim Cox standing in the middle of St. Rds. 10 & 17 directing traffic. Other memorable memories are the long nights spent drying grain - or when the trucks which came to load out the hogs for the slaughter house; we would sit in the apporiate barn or shed and watch the goings on. Also learning to ride our second hand bicycle along the edge of St. Rd. 10 & 17; and running through the mud puddle on the corner there.

I entered Culver Elementary School in 1957-58, as a kindergardener - memories of the first day was locking my self into the bathroom. Also being teased and called names by one of the classmates who then promptly moved away from Culver at the end of the school year or the next - but the teasing and name-calling he started stuck around for several more years, making me one of the most un-popular kids of the class - of the school. I can't even remember my teacher for that year!

My first grade (1958-59) teacher was Sandra Fitterling now Mrs. Jack Kyeser. Of this year the memories were of braking an upside down "v" into my two front teeth that had just grown in. This occured out on the playground in that metal contraption made of iron pipe which was three cubes on each side with a single cube on top (the fourth high). The next year Dr. Dunfee at Plymouth done all he could to try and save them till they and to be pulled in July-August 1960 because an abcessed had formed.

2nd grade was 1959-1960 teacher I believe was Gertie Allen it was this year that was spent trying to save my front teeth - chasing the gold caps around that would fall off around to salvage them - to save my mom money I didn't dare loose them and then it was a trip the dentist to have them put back on fun fun fun it was! Especially if this occured out on the playground, but they were always retirved somehow!!

3rd grade was 1960-1961 teacher Margaret Carter; 4th grade was 1961-1962 teacher Mary Esther (Henning) Wierick; 5th Grade 1961-1962 Jean Schricker (her husband was related to Gov. Schricker in some way).

Sometime during this time I took tap and ballet - but because mom wanted me to then it was when she could afford it only; it was the same with piano lessons after we had moved into town - I had Martha (Robinson) Stapan, Ethel Hoffman and finally Miss Goss ( I always flet sorry for them because they never understood why I was a poor attendeder - I loved learning to play and wanted to learn but I had do do as mother wanted I can play - but only for myself ) - 4-H for one year I think because of the cost etc, and I attended one or two girl scout meetings but since they were after school that was out because it required money for books, uniforms etc. Of these experieinces most of all I feel like I was the loser and a failure because I could never complete anything, never be a part of anything

Other memories for now are under the North section of Lakeshore drive and Dillon land pages. There was this hugh built in wall cabinet for dishes and food - and mom stored the asprin on the very top shelf out of reach of us kids or so she thought - how I done it I am not sure - but I climb up there and took some - mom tried getting through to Dr. Kubley via telephone but we had a lady who was on our party line who refused to share the line even in an emergency. Mom just finally gave up trying - hauled me out to the car and headed for the ER at Parkview Hospital - on the way I vomited all over the car. Another was cutting the top of my foot open while swinging by hanging onto the table and washer machine or dryer I fell onto the floor never did find out what cut it unless it was just the sharp edge of the vinyl floor covering - - - taking the meat hammer out of the freezer section of the frig and licking it and it sticking to my tongue - - - making hot coca by myself and pouring it down my chest, it was a disaster anyway as it was thick not drinkable! - - - cutting my leg open mid-calf ( the scar is still there today) by sitting down on the back door step some one had left broken glass on the step and the back door was locked so had to run to the front door - - - the gardens we planted each year between us and Dillons - the Raspberry patch that was where the bowling alley sat- now this area is all a bare lot - all the houses, barns sheds gone now owned by Michael Sheskey. I was aghast when he had the old brick house tore down it was a family homestead a landmark of Cuvler - but of course everything in the name of progress - but WHAT PROGRESS it sits an empty bear lot for the last 10 years now! The old sheds and barns I could see the house no it was a lovely old brick house.

In August of 1960 or 1961 we moved from the corner of State Road 10 & 17 to the other farm Judd Dillon owned on St. Rd. 10 west where Pat Mc Carthy now owns. The only memories from this era is seeing mom running down the garden path chasing a very harmless garden snake and also arriving home on the bus after school seeing the pigs all out running around the yard and in the road and mother chasing after them - her first words to us were: "I have been chasing them all afternoon and I think I have put this one in at least twice before." - she had forgot to check to see where they were getting out of - so as fast as she had corralled them putting them in the front gate of the pen they were just escaping out the backside at the corner edge of the big barn

Judd Dillon had finally went back and finished his college and teaching credentials and decided to quit farming in Augugus 1962 - thus again we moved this time into Culver at the little brown house on the southwest corner (419 Forrest Place) it was owned by Oscar Perrine along with the Lakeshore Garage which he owned and was leased out to Wayne Hittle of Rochester. Dad became manager of the gas station which eventually became Enco and Exxon. memories there were standing under an oil pan all afternoon; pumping gas for the customers - which included the amenities of washing thew windshield, checking tire pressure and checkign the oil. The building burnt in Janaury 1972. We did not live here long as the roof leaked and the electric bills were extermely high - the electric was leaking out but they could not seem to find the problem. After the fire the house was sold and moved out into the country northeast of town somewhere. Living right across from the beach was heaven - we spent all our time during the summer there or at the gas station with dad.

Swimming lesson well they were like everything else - they were free - but it took time and running into town. Mother was never a beach person - i can not remember coming into the Culver Beach really before we moved into town in Aug. 1962. I am not a swimmer - I can f and do a little - I can not even hold my breath properly to swim under water - so it never ever has appealed to me - but I love the lake - I loved the boat rides Zfrank Amond gave us in the 'Maxinkuckee' - whe done small chores for him when he took out tthe swimmign pier and his boat pier in the fall and put it back in in the spring. I would run errands for Emma too when she need things.

The summer of 1963 - we moved to Main Street Culver - the house on the corner of Cass and Main - it was the Crabb rental house and they owned the Crabb Furniture store next door. This house was bought by Wayne Von Ehr and remodeled - memories there were the President Kennedy being assinated - I was in 6^th grade and sitting in Mrs. Manis' classroom at the time the annoucment came over the school speakers. Loren Carswell was my home room teacher; we rotated between three teachers in preperation for Junior and Senior high school - This was the year of the "new Math" where it took several pages to just answer one problem - it was the year when they decided to try and convert "lefties" to right handed - I REFUSED!!! my other teachers were Mr. Overstreet and Loren Carswell and it was the year of switiching rooms and teachers for classes in preperation for high school - which then consisted of 7-12. Another memory was arriving home from school to find the house full of black smoke - upon reaching the kitchen and the stove I found what was to have been supper - a pot of Vegetable soup - with only a very small charred rement - I opened the back door tossed the pot out into the snow bank and left the door open for air - the phone rang it was mom telling me the soup was on the stove and to turn it on " medium" - all I said oh that is what that was - she had instead of turning it "OFF" had turned it on "HIGH" as she went out to work. Another memory was falling down the back stairs the lead to the garage they were ragged broken concrete - I fell head first and flat on my face - and my father's sunday dinner of Kentucky fried chicken, cole slaw, mashed potatoes and gravey and strawberry pie - needless to say there was little left of the dinner but the chicken - the remainder I was wearing from my chest to my feet when I picked my self up. Permenant reminders of this incedent is a big gash on my left leg that left a sscar still visible today - also a bad ankle - there should be a visible gash there. This remained home until about August 1964

This time the move was to S. Plymouth Street - where part of the Cove sits today - our neighbors were William Hampton, Bob Hodges, the Wilhites, Charles Dickerson, and up on the front row "Main St." Roy Scott residence, Irene Hinkle, Bob & Hazel Hill, Angelo [he worked at the park in the summer], and Mabel & Bess Pura amongest others. There are not many memories here - except the death of my grandfather McKee and grandmother McKee coming to live with us and then she dying in Febuary of 1966. The one memory was the tornado that hit the northern portion of Marshall county and St. Joseph County - tho none came near the Culver area we had the high winds - and I was chasing the brand new garbage can down S. Plymouth St. Mr. Hampton saw me and told me to "let it go" and if the winds got to bad we were to come over to his house and get in the basement - (our rental house only had a crawl pace under it). I remember the area always flooded with the rains and the water run-off from Main St. Another was a sub-zero winter night when the furance went out and Al Poppe had to be called - he tore the whole thing apart - or rather in end had too - it was fuel oil heat and some one had pored pine tar in the fuel tank.

It was also sometime in 1966 mom and I was in South Bend and the sole of my shoe had a crack in it in the arch and I went head first down the basement stairs (they were solid marble) at J. C. Penny's I was carrying a box of carnival glass items mother had purchased down the street - I guess I must of looked a site sprawled flat on my face head first down the stairway I got up walked rest way down; told who ever caming running from the store managemen that I was just fine and then I guess I must of passed out as next thing I knew there was police, EMT's and I had a free ambulance ride to Memorial - a grand headache for over a week afterwards. Needless to say there were several people from Culver at the top of the stairs one if memory serves me right was Eva Doll. Oh well I never did or do anything half-assed! - Guess the package was sent with them - and when we finally got it none of it was broken! :). I was not to go to activities etc. but I did - that night was aplay at school and Larry Banks was on of the lead actors in it - his mother Alice Banks came picked my up and I went. I also went to school Monday tho I was not too still stiff sore and a sore head.

It was 7th grade I acquired glasses - as to quote the eye doctor who came to school and checked our eyes for free that year I was barely able to see a basketball coming at me. Again I was back into the dentist chair for several months of needed dental work as the plastic paritial I was fitted for in 3rd grade had grown too small. I even ended up having to pay over half that off after I had graduated out of highs school and started working at the Coffee Shop because mom and had not not paid on it or very little each month from 1966/7 to 1970.

The next move occured during the school year of 1968 - we moved to Lakeshore Dr. (where Wilhites live today) across from the old Ford garage - now an array of shops and a resturant. How time changes - memories there are few - but memorable is the death of Pete Onesti in 1968/9 - staying up all night during the presidentenal conventions (I used it as part of my semester project for U.S. History) - and seeing Robert Kennedy assinated on TV. - I graduated from CCCHS in May of 1970 - and the house next door burned in 1971/2 which use to be the Lakeside Hotel.

I have no pictures of my self from the schools years the only one I have is one done by Olan Mills when I was 6 or 7 out at Louis Banks' and my senior picture - others are just copies from the yearbooks - I don't even remember mother buying any if it did it was just enough for the grandparents, and aunts uncles - We were not allowed to buyt the years books but somehow I did manage to buy my Senior year book - my one frivilous item I guess out of my babysitting money!. I was only allowed to have one photo out of my senior pictures - that I remember I don't even think I had any to pass out to friends or classmates I can not rememeber that's been to long ago. I don't even have the announcment as only enough were purchased by mother to send to relatives only - if any ; Oh but I do have one of my brothers in its vinyal leatherette case that I was given by mother! t was not untill 1990 our 20th reunion did I go to the Culver Library and to gather up the all the pages on my grades from the yearbooks - for use during the reunion and so I could have a roster of kids of our class through the years. I still have those pages and hang on them - they are the only items I have of my school years and those came 20 some years late of my school years. There are no report cards saved, no art work etc. I do have my choir letter taken off my sweater I earned (mother wanted the black sweater to wear so I let her have it) and I have some of the articles, the tassle form my senoir year.

Summer of 1968 I took drivers Ed finally - only because my brother wanted too and tho I wanted too mom tried to say I could not but somehow dad over ruled and I did. This to was the year I had battled Strep throat taking bicillin shots every 2 weeks with penicillin tablets in between and then the shots were evey week with the penicillin tablets in between. Finally in July the doctor put me in Parkview Hospital had every test ran imagineable and nothing - - - it was still raging on and in October the doctor refused to continue to treatment and sent me to Robert Long Hospital/Indiana University Medical Hospital mom took me down - dropped me off and came on back home - This was the week of my birthday in October - it fell on a Sunday - but I know I spent it in the hosptial alone. I was alone to face the battery of tests etc. final result was it boiled down to infected tonsils underneath (they pulled that thing that hangs down in back of throat out and towards front of mouth done under only a local anesthia which the person doing the exam allowed to wear off - yeah it hurt like hell - and but found the problem and they wanted me to come back and have the tonsils & anoids only unde local anesthis as the test was done - NO WAY IN HELL removed in not after that experience - I told them we had 2 fine surgeons in Plymouth and I came home finallly and in early November at Parkview Hopsital they were removed by Dr. Rimel - with the promise I could eat a traditional thanksgiving dinner later in month - wrong - my Thanksgiving dinner that year was cream of Potatoe soup as my throat was still raw and sore.

My only job during high school was babysitting after we moved to Lakeshore drive this was for the Trump's, then the Noel's, and Prosser's. And I think they all went through mom - and she did allow me to finally babysit sommetime in 1969/1970 but most of the money went to her or for household bills or toward items need for school - nothing frivilous etc. that was not allowed.

Began work at the Coffee Shop down the street as a waitress in 1970-June 1972 - the pay $1.25 - two meals and drinks and tips if there were any. I drank coffee because it was cheap, and non-fating (I did not use cream or sugar). Tips were only good when the academy was in or there was speciality camps running. Again most of my money went to mom or household bills; I was only allowed to keep enough for tutiton fees and books for 1 classes per semester finally I was allowed 2 clsses per semester. I loved the work and the people - there was only one sour incident which involved several men who were employed by the Culver Military Academy to sand blast the buildings - they were rude and very inconsiderate but I was taught 'The customer was always right' so I took there rude remarks refused to answer their questions (which was none of their buisness) for several week - finally it got to much - and the boss had stepped out - leaving just me and these men in the restaurant alon and they kept askiing and badgering and telling me I had to answer them - It concerned the amount of money I made, hours I worked and If I worked weekends (which they already basically knew the hours I worked as they were steady customers) as to amount of money I made I told them it was none of he business they made threats of leaving no tip if I did not tell them etc and filing a complaint with the boss - I plainly informed them that they had not left me a tip at any time and they could go file a complaint with the boss and as far as I was could concerned in they did not like my attitude they could go out on Lake Maxinkuckee and chop a hole in it and jump in! They had the gall to ask if I would chop the hole and I said no needless to say they never came back after that - one poor regular local customer walked in on it and had never seen my anger or upset and almost walked out - he never ever said a word to anyone as to what had happened.

I started at Ancilla College 1 course per semester from Sept 1970 - - May 1972, that was all I could afford to pay for as mother kept me drained by making me pay some of her bills or not deposting my checks into the bank at Plymouth (I could not bank at Culver she would not allow it) when they should of been after I paid her bills and they beat the deposit to the bank which mom insisted she had to take to bank instead of me - and I rode to school with Jane Long, Jean Nelson, Mrs. Burke and an academy instructor (to them I am enternally greatefull for the gesture) this continued until my mother finally allowed to to drive by myself; this was only because course I took to apease mother - microbiology and child psychology that would also fit into possibly a teaching career besides nursing which she was still demanding I take.

As for the Coffee Shop job that came about because of dad - mom wanted me to work in the factories at Plymouth and I had several applications in but according to her rules I could only work 3-11 her hours and would have to ride to work with her bdropping me off or the person she rode to work (they took turns driving every other day). Well that did not set with prospective employeers but what was I to do I was not allowed to drive even tho I had my license - mothers rule yet my brother who was a year younger could. All I can remember is dad came home and told me Pearl needed help and would I go down - so I did. At least it did fit the qualifications in a way - it was not even a blocked from the house, I could walk, I would not have to drive (which mother would not allow any way at the time even tho I tooked drivers ed.

I can rememeber mom being in hospital for hital hernia - I was working the Coffee Shop cleaning house - I came home only to find my mom's sister down on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor I had mopped the night before - it was not clean enough - I was half sick dad was sick with the flu - but he kept the station open anyway - I think he was even sick enough to go to the doctor - I had same thing he did and he finally made me go - Dr. Deery gave me these little white pills that were to be the curall and knock me out - well finally did after about 3 1/2 hours and time to take another dose - I have no idea how long I slept before I woke up to find all but one of my pills gone out of the bottle - our little white minature alsakan type dog had gotten the child proof cap off and ate them all! - I done with out the medicine - I took the last remaining pill and hoped that it would half way work - I guess it did as I went back to work the next day.

Another memory was in 1971 the police car pulled up in front of the house - it was early - dad came in the door threw the bank books at me told me to put them away and lock the doors - and left - I sat for whatt seemed to be hours - before dad came back home with my brother in tow - he had wrecked out only car down just outside of Delong going into Lieters Ford - landed a telephone pole right down the middle from front to back. I do notno remember what he got out of it - all I know he could still drive even tho he had wrecked it after we got it back and I still could not drive anywhere even in town by my self. I can still here mom's word echo to the effect - he is a boy and has to do things now and had to have the "advantages" - you have all the time in the world because I was a girl

Of my childhood - all I can sum it up as you did not question ever - you just obeyed and did as told - my brother was my mother's favorite. My mother and her sister always told everyone I was going to be a Registered Nurse and I was going to their school - City Hospital School of Nursing in Indianapolis; one never disagreed with what either one said... Mother always said the means to go would be there when the time - came; it was not and I did not qualify any way because of my grades. Tho mother forced me to apply and was rejected because of my grades, then tried to make me apply elsewhere - but my math, algebra, chemistry grades were all C's and below; I was just barely a C student in high school; there was just no use and the money was not there to go to school with anyway.

I really can't say what I wanted to be when I grew up as it was drummed into my head that I was to be a Registered Nurse - thats all I ever heard - when asked mother or her sister would answer for me. I dared not to say different. I think to just please them I agreed with them every time they told someone because that is what she wanted and expected of me - tho I did expect to be because mother seemed to make things happen fo what she wanted

Nothing was ever discussed in our house - mom told you what to do or not to do. I do know dad worked - what he made as a salary was never discussed - so I have no idea what he made at Newman's or Dillon's but I do assume the houses we lived in were a part of his working arrangement/salary. Same with mother - she was a Registered Nurse - but I know she made good money and she liked to spend it also - the last 2 years at home all I can remember is bailing her out of over draft fees, paying for Columbia Records that she wanted for the records player (and I got none of them), and paying my then almost 6 year old dental bill off to Dr. Oldham who had long moved out of town.

From there I moved to 419 S. Main in June 1972 and began my life with David Boswell Burns - memories there abound. It was truly HOME it was not a rental house as it had been during my childhood - I still own the house - tho I do not live there - BUT IT IS MINE! For how long with all the turmoil over it I do not know - David chose not to finish bricking it, did not finish the fireplace or did not install a new roof but talked of having it done - he left me with nothing but the house and no work experience - I have tried - and I have tried to hang on to my house - but is it worth keeping the memories alive - - - keeping something David wanted me to have but did not want to provided for - I am beginning to truly have my doubts about the house as family and people have been very been vindictive over it.

I was just a house wife - just a mother - David would never allowed me to work out side the house. So my kids were very privileged in that they had what I did not have as a child - a mother who did not work - who was around 24/7 whether they appreciated it or not I have no idea [my thoughts were they cared less about me and whether I was around for them as it was dad who "handed out" to them as one of their peers told me a few years ago that he amongest others were envious of that]. But of course because of this I have no solid work skills except those of the house wife, mother, and those I self taught my self - genealogy reasearch and computer. I can lay stone - I learned how by watching David around the lake - so after he died I did lay some stone up around the house, and rebuilt the north wall and built the South wall that I had laid one row in just dirt.

Again these years as a wife & mother all I can sum it up as you did not question ever - you just obeyed and did as told. I done all work the inside house repairs such as painting, steam cleaning, plastering etc. to save money - I look back and wonder why - when it was spent foolishly elsewhere or given to other members of the family and I was left unprovided for except for just the house and trinkets.

I was never well liked - I was never good in school - and I never fullfilled my mothers dream and wishes of me becoming a Registered Nurse like her and her sister; so I was a great dis-appointment to them. Also to add to mother's and her sister's dissapointment of me I refuse to pack-up my things along with my son David Boswell Burns and expecting Susie; and move to Flordia with them in the fall of 1974 - thus I became an outcast in my own family. For that I have never been sorry; yet to today I wonder if I would of been better off - or worse off for mother would of controled my life - David & Susie's lives also.

People have said I am like my mother - but I can say I am not - she many a time reminded me she was a straight A & B student in high school (I was not I was just lucky to get a C), she was selfish in alot of ways - she spent and bought what she wanted even if it was not needed. Mother was determined, in away she was heartless and cold; she was career orientated her nursing and nursing associations came before anything. She was not an outgoing person in my mind, she would not join any clubs etc. of Culver and she would not shop in Culver unless she just had to - she went to Indianapolis for our clothing, to Plymouth for groceries etc. and South Bend; and she would not attend church in Culver either first it was the Christain Church (it sat on part of the now library property in Plymouth) and the Church of Christ donw on Michigan St. & Oak Hill avenue finally from 1964/5 on or at least till I left home in June 1972. At times I wish she had instilled into me the hard callous, unfeeling, selfishness, career-oriented only attitude that she possessed but alas she did not and why I have no real idea as to why. To me she would of been the ultimate person for the "Women Liber's, rights etc spoke person. I have the last few year desperately wished I had her qualities - but I don't.

Dad - well we he was smart - this I knew from mom as she would reminded me that dad was a straight A & B student in high school; he was hard working, he was mild tempered, he was outgoing when not around mom. He really enjoyed his work and especially at the gas station - he enjoyed meeting and serving the people and the community there - I know that his icmoe there was not great as it was a percentage of the gas sales etc. and the labor her made off of oil and tire changes but againt that was not discussed. In later years after they moved to Flordia dad became more talkative outgoing - but it was in spurts - and I finally one day figured it out - Dad would talk if mother was not around anywhere if she was he was un-talkitive about anything. The greatest times were on the phone with him after I started genealogy and he loved to talk about the family. He was smart, he was a hard work - but mother had him under her control too unless he really got riled and his term & meaning of justice prevailed - one incident I remember well was drivers ed - in the summer of 1968 she was determined that I was not going to take drivers ed that only my brother was going to be allowed to do so - but dad won out I did take drivers ed with my brother that summer - but I became sick with a bad step infection and was out of class about 1/3 of the time but some how I did make it through class and pass it by the skin of my teeth.

School memories are slim and few - as I was not popular and not a joiner - I remember the early taunting even to this day about growing up on the 'stinky hog farm'. I joined the Pep Club during my 7^th, 8^th years only to be taunted on the bus rides to the away games by one girl - I can remember her pulling the fur out of the collar of my winter coat; I did join the Sunshine Society during high school years and the yearbook staff during my senior year; Choir was a class during my Junior and Senior year and I participated in its activities. I can remember mother's words if she even thought I was going to ask to do something "you have plenty of time because your a girl - your brother don't" - I never have figured that out to this day. But from this expeience I never refused to let David or Susie join anything in school - even if they lost interest in it and dropped out on their own accord.

Tho I never had a real great love for history in school it was my favorite subject and I always wanted Latham Lawson as a history teacher but for some reason I never did have him during my 7^th, 8^th, or high school years and yes I was dissappointed.

I attend Ancilla College from the fall of 1970-June 1972 - starting out with only American History class under Sister Vivan - and there I think the real "bug" for history hit. When I quit in June 1972 I think I had 17 hours under my belt.

1972 -3 Should of been happiest of my life - as my first child was on the way - born (David Boswell Burns) - but it was a tug of war between my mother, her sister and me - if you call it that - I listened they demanded and threatened - each time they visited me once a week - after they left I would sit and cry for hours aftewards, eat anything in site - I went from 125-130 to well over 190 by the time David was born - lucky I had no problems , no blood pressure issues (until the day of birth) the doctor even kept telling me I was not all baby and water, but in reality I was - David was 9 lbs. and after he was born I went back to 150 pounds which meant d uring the whole pregancy I gain only 25 pounds during this whole time dad and David some how remained neutral in all that matters and kept their opinions to themselves etc. - Dad I could believe it of but of David well ... When David was born I learned just how good a nurse my mother was - COLD HEARTED & vindictive - all I had ever heard was how great she was, how compasionate etc etc but I saw none of that in her - by ethically standards she should not of been on duty or my nurse but she would not be relieved of her duties - all I can say is that the day my son was born was a nightmare that no one should live through and even tho to this day I do not forgive my mother or her sister for their actons, and threats; they stood on each side of me and tried to hammer into me that I was not to go back home to David , that he was an un-caring, un-desireable person etc. etc. Every time my water gushed out my mother complained about having to change the bedclothes and getting me a dry gown, she started in about grandparents rights , and I was to do this and that and if I did not do as she wanted she would take legall action to ge what she wanted and kept me upset the whole time I was in the hospital; she had even somehow managed to get David barred from coming to the hospital except for coming to pick me up when I refused to go home with her.

From May 1974 when mom and dad moved from Culver to Rochester she made her demands, threats etc - that I had to bring my son to their place every week or she would file charges against me and she was badgering me constantly that I had to move to Flordia with her, dad and her sister or else... Well I did not - the or else guess it was not being consider part of the family, knowing what was going on but yet I was to know everything about what they were doing, their health etc. but mother dear would tell me nothing and dad dared not speak unless mother was not around or in hearing distance (when I finally caught on and realized that was the case it was to late but when I did I made sure I called when I knew mother-dear would not be at home or if she was I made a point to call back later, dad loved to talk if mother was not around or within hearing distance I found out!.

I got interest in genealogy in 1976 and started tracing my ancestry only intending to get enough to get me started and I was going to lay it aside until when the kids were grown - that never happened and then David's ancestry I hired done as was all over in Scotland. My step-daughter asked for help in doing work on her mothers ancestry and on the Schrimsher and Green ancestry. Like I said earlier - The greatest times were on the phone with him after I started genealogy and he loved to talk about the family. genealogy opened up an entire new releationship with my dad and for that I am greatful - every phone call he would ask if I had found "Uncle Joe's family yet" and I would have to keep telling him NO and that he had none - and he did no know what we was talking about - but he would always end with Uncle Joe had a family...well guess what he did I found part of them in 1988 when I lost my entire McKee manuscript - dad was right Uncle Joe did have a family - was he laughing at me from above? saying "I told you so". Mother - well she would not talk of her family - she t hought I was qrazy for doing it - there are times through the years I wished dad was alive...

David loved working around the lake - he worked either for himself or under Bennett's only making enough to cover the cost of supplies and his labor for the boys, and sometimes losing any money he had counted in for labor for himself - but that was David - you did not over charge -- only one time did he work under another person/buisness - and make any money - it was for an academy alumni who had bought a house on academy drive - it was all stone work if remember right and lots of stone walls - I had typed up the bill to David's specifications (I even kept his handwritten copy) - took the kids and went shopping in Plymouth for something - when I arrived home he was sitting in his chair in the living room mad - telling me that I had typed the bill up wrong - I went got his written copy and presented it to him askiing what was wrong with the typed one as it was word for word - he had re-written the bill but the only thing that had changed was the amount of labor for David and his boys - cost of material etc. had doubled or trippled there were no supplies invoveled as all was supplied by the 'middle man' and was billed seperately by him! It had to be done that way according to David because of the contractor he was working under who shall remain nameless and all work and collecting for this person had to go through this contractor so called 'middle man'- David was told that he could not bill the person personally for any of the work; I was aghast at how this contractor chose to rip off this person - of course he also probably received a hefty commission (a percentage of the total cost of David's bill) because he was the middle man. As soon as he got out from under this person he went right back to the way he always billed. And he refused to do any sub-contracting work for the person again.

At least the kitchen and the laundry room and a roof over the back house got done at the house and of course the money for most of the materials used in this project went right back into the person's pocket because that's where David instread of buying most of the supplies because it was local! The kitchen linolium was torn in several places whils being installed by this persons help - it was either patched of glued down to the floor more where it was torn. If supplies were bought out of town I had to do the running after them - He refused to have Bennett's do any of the work - why I have no idea for sure - but I think it was because he thought he could save some money - but I am sorry to say he did not. And same went when he had the fireplace room, bathroom done and windows put it by another contractor other than Bennett's; the windows used were either discontinued or defective as they were missing screens, handles/cranks, latches etc. and other faults appeared less than a few months after they had been installed and nothing was ever corrected - I could live with it - which I have; this would of never happened if Bennett's had done any of then work. This contractor even gouged the kitchen hallway linolium whiel his help dragged the cast iron bathtub out of the house - but all this was okay - it was only David he allowed it he would not complain,I had to accept it and live with it and I have.

David would never let me work out side the home - I had to help when need to run for materials, or after hours to check on the job sites' especially when the job invovled forms and cement seawalls. I was always told the kids did not have to clean up after themselves that was what I was there for...that was all I was good for - and all I could do or was allowed to do besides repairing the house, and mowing the lawn up till 1983 when he got sick in July and had to have surgey and he hired Forrest 'Forey' Houghton to mow and from then on I was never allowed to mow again until David died died on 23 Aug. 1990; or till 'Forey' got ill and did not do much mowing - David claimed it was Forey's job not mine! One family member would always remind me every so often they were glad that I was down there taking care of dad and not them - what does one say with an attitude like that? I just lived with and done what was expected of a wife...

1983 September - January 25, 1984; really after that as we ran probationary till our certification came trough - my life circle around the basic Emergency medical techician class I volunteered for - we were to attain a grade for 70 or 75 each test our lowest of 11 would be thrown out teste grades were 95, 85, 104, 73 (tossed out), 93, 95, 95, 91, 94, 88, and 86 for a class score of 92.6. The state exam was 25^th January and was in 5 parts we were allowed to make a score of 70-75 on it forget how many was allowed - I scored 80, 96, 84, 84 and 92 = 436/5 = 87.2. My certification came thorugh on 1 April 1984 and shortly there after I was dropped as a EMT for Culver - no real good answers ; one explanation was that it was thought I would failed the class by the 5 ^th class exam and thus would be dropped because of non class preformance.I loved the classes, enjoyed them and enjoyed the time as probationary EMT. But it was a good hard lesson on volunteering for the community - never again would I volunteer for anything! never again would I donate and devote so much time for nothing.

Dad died 25 November 1984 at 5:05 p.m. and just the month before his brother had died on 26 October at 6:35 p.m; it was as if he was trying to die on the same day and same time as his brother - even his sister mentioned this several months later and asked if I had realized it. I know when his brother finaly was diagonised with Alzhiemer's the late summer early fall of 1983 and had told me all he wanted was to live long enough to bury his brother - dad had a sister seven years younger than he but he made no mention of living to see her buried and he lived within 30-40 miles of her. We buried he brother Lowell on the 30^th of October and dad was unable to drive home so Steve drove straight through back to Bradenton, Flordia dadn was able to put his Social Security check in the bank on the 3^rd and then entered the hospital never going home. We buried him on Thanksgiving Eve so there was no Thanksgiving that year. My brother's son as I held him in my arms so he could look at his grandfather in his cakset - uttered 'i love you, why could you not not stay for Christmas'

During the years with David he talked of the past of Culver, the lake - its people the cottages etc. - I have tried to remember as much as could of what he told to others and me as he would never sit down and write it out - or sit down and tape-record an oral history - it was interesting, informative to say the least!

He had accepted a job in Plymouth that last summer - he had promised David that he could go work for him - but he refused to take him (I found out later why after his death whether David knew the reason is beyond me but I know he was disappointed in his father for denying him this oppertunity). He thought it was the 'Golden Goose" - the job to end all jobs - but it was a nightmare in hell for him - he done work I never seen him do before (the boys even said as much too) - just to keep the person's mouth shut - to please here - it had to be done her way - even if wrong - the help got into arguements over the quality - or rather the non-quality worked he done just to keep her mouth and nagging quite. She had spent thousands of dollars on landscape layouts only to deviate from them - she chose shoebricks to go around trees flower beds etc as the landscape plans called for only after they had been ordered delivered to decides that she did not want them; at her instance David had to pay for the all the brick ordered of the job and then she would in turn pay him; sending them back meant a pickup and re-stocking fee that was not counted into the estimate - he would lay the brick according to the design layout of the brick she had choosen - she did not like it - it would all have to be torn out and re-layed her way - brick was sliced paper thin instead of wedge cut of the full to make the circle, turn etc as was normal in brick work. She was forever changing the amount of work being done adding extra cost that was not tallied into the estimate etc. He finally broke away for a short period to do a job for Bennett's and was working on another one for him - just so he would not have to go back up there - or to delay going up there - if she called he used the excuse this work was promised before hers was began.

I dubed her the "bitch on rollerskates" from the time he started the job for her was when he started refusing to take his digoxin and water pill he was to take daily - he went 62 days without them - oh there were a couple of times he came home went straight to the pill bottles and took them - why I never figured out till the day he died - at his insistance I left him alone with Susie to take David to the beach (he could not walk there on his own to feet and dad made sure of that) and I had to stop to get Susie a bottle of dam shampoo too on the way back home at Hooks - I can never forget seeing Glen Schrimsher pulling out of the parking lot ahead of me with his blue light on - for one fleeting moent I did think it was David - but I said "no he could not do that to us" - I go to the house and the help Dan Felda & Mike Shidler was pacing at the back door - greeting me with "is David okay" I asked what was wrong and they told me how he left the job, his color, condtion etc. - by what they described I can not figure out why he did not go to Long Point where Eunice his daughter was living at the time - or how he made it home- but by the time he walked in the door his color was back - he claimed there was nothing wrong and smelled the mulligan stew and wanted to know if was done yet - I walked into the house telling me nothing was wrong he was just fine he was there in his chair watching TV with Susie just as I had left them both laughing etc - it was Don Knotts and the gooofy movie where he turns into a fish - but Susie was standing in the living room with a look of horror on her face in tears and all she could say was she had called the ambulance - I had no more moved the dining room table and Sally Riccardi was knocking on the front door the rest is a nightmare - over half the family was at the house - cars lined the street for several blocks...

The the 20th of Aug 1990 . I had taken Susie to South Bend school shopping and when we arrived at the back door little David greeted us "there was something wrong with dad this afternoon; he had refused to let him call older sister Eunice - I made them both walk to beach on their own power but to stop by and tell Nancy to come down - she sat with me for an hour or so and her dad and he promised her he would go to the doctor the next day - but he would not - instead he went back to work for Kreuzberger's that afternoon through Bennett's in the afternoon. The next morning I walked to Adler's for coffee etc. had also stopped on way home at Cactus Charlie's to tell Eunice about her dad that morning and told her he would be home (he had only went to Hansen's to have coffee with the boys) still and I would be there shortly as I had to stop at Andy's to get one of the kids something for school. Cheryl had informed me her grandfather was just fine - and nothing was wrong with him - and that the next time her mother was to be the first to know - I informed her that her grandfather came first - the doctor, the ambulance and what ever the doctor said went came first - and others even my kids would be the last to know until he was under the care of EMT's, doctor or to a medical facility and under medical treament. I had arrived home not to find them arrived yet and David wanting to go to Winamac alone to go find a wrought railing he had the boys deliver to Bennett's brother in Winamac for repair - but was deliver wrong place - I tried to get him take the car and let me drive but he instisted on driving using the excuse the wrought Iron railing would not fit in the truck of the car (it would of) - and on way the home made some weird remark. When we got home the phone rang it was Eunice informing me I was/we were not home and should of been all I said was her dad wanted to go to Winamac and why and asked her if I should of let him go alone as he had planned and hung up. It was either at lunch that day, Wedensday or the day he died - I seen a tear trickling down out of the corner of his eye. He never said anything - I never gave it any special thought; but since then I have and wondered about it.

The day he died - the 23rd August he said that he wanted a pot of Mulligan stew so I went to Park n Shop and got the stuff to make it a chuck roast, canned tomatoes, head of cabbage, 3 lbs of onions, 10 pounds of potatoes, carrotts, celery - but it had not cooked long enough to be tender to eat for the noon meal - - he never got his Mulligan Stew - some of it was given away and the rest was frozen for me to eat later on as the kids never liked it and would not eat it - - dad always gave them money to go eat out somewhere when we had it!

I thought then and still think today that if he had not done that job in Plymouth and had not met up with the "bitch on rollerskates" that he would of lived long - but he did not want to go back up there to work - but he refused to tell her he no longer wanted to finish the job - The boys insisted on going up the day or day after the funeral to clean up the job site - they said it needed to be done - even tho there was a trash dumpster there - they got hold of Leon Bennett got his dump truck and went up there and cleaned up the site for me - rather for David. I went up and seen what they had meant - had a run in with her demanding the last payment back - which had went for the boys labor, the last payment on the bricks etc. How I got safely home I never know - but I did I can only remember pulling into Bennett's and asking for Leon - I was devesated, I was angry and knew I needed help because of her threats. I do blame that job on his death; who knows he may of not of lived much longer - but at least before he started working up there he was taking his medicine everyday only missing an occasional dose - he never had taken medicine in his life except maybe for an asprin then all of a sudden on September 1989 forced into taking medication and having to have blood drawn every so often to check for the level of digoxin in his system...he also refused to tell Dr. Deery anything - he always told him everythign was fine - he lied to him about taking his medicine properly - his last visit would of caught the lower level of the digoxn in his blood but he lucked out the blood testing machine was not working that day and he swore to Dr. Deery he was taking his medication faithfully!

He had also drawn plans up for a fireplace and some other work in Attica, Indiana for the Curtis/Henderson family but opted to take the Plymouth job first because it seemed to be the "Golden Goose" it was to be the job to end all jobs ...

I had truthfully wished he had not taken that "Golden Goose" the job to end all jobs ...

The week following Leon Bennett asked if I knew where these plans were and since I was cleaning out the carporthad figured I had thrown them away - I had not - I had not even got to the point of cleaning out his truck - I was concerned about the carport and all the stuff there that was out in the open - all either in the ned went into the dumspter I had rented or onto a scrape iron pile someone came and collected for free (I really did not care at that point - 7 shovels without handpes, ?? hoe head, ?? rake heads; rubber waders that leaked - I had saved them for the boys - but they took them right to the dumpster; boxes of old bottles with no writing on them or labels - wet meldewed rotted paper and carboard. So finally I relented - opened up the truck up long enough to go searching behind and the seat and through the buckets, milk crates in back - and finally in ba bucket of tools - I knew what I was looking for it was a light pink, yellow, blue or green file folder - when I finally found it I called down to Bennett's made sure he was there and hand delivered it. The boys ended up doing the job for Leon buying the cement mixer that I would never use - it was not it top condition - it was a Sears special I think even one of the mixer blades in it was gone and they carried off my extension cord that did not go with it - that was for the snow blower and weed eater because David had cabbaged onto mine instead of going buying another because a racoon which was caged dragged the cord into the metal wire caged chewed into in several places while awaiting Bud Lewis' arrival to tote him out into the country side - he ate all his chicken bones gotten from the Corner Tavern - destroyed a 100 plus foot electric cord and lived to snicker about it all! Yes it was plugged into the electric.

After David's death 23 August 1990 I started this merely as a history of the cottagers and cottages and lake - to have something to occupy my mind and keep me active as I had lost interest in my genealogy - as I could not sit at the computer and work and not remember the past year - I used my genealogy as an escape from reality - to close out what was happening around me so I could survive so I could be there - I shut my emotions and feelings down and eventually off - just coping with each day as it came. September 1989 [when he was diagnoised with congestive heart the seemed not to accept it - not wanting to take his medication properly]... he also kept stating "something is wrong" but he would not express this to Dr. Deery only to me and certain family members who would badger me to "get him to a specialist" - which I could not do with out a referal from Dr. Deery and David's consent - thus he did what he wanted to do...

Mel Walters was working with David until the last month and had worked for him on and off over the years. Many worked for David - for us over years - Mickey McFarland, 'Russ' Russel J. Salyers (he also worked with him at the Academy and took over David's position there when he retired) deceased, Frank Maulky deceased, Paul Kelly, Rodney Kemple, Steve Brasch, Gary brasch, 'Murph' Murphy Wynn, David M. Burns, Rickey Burns, David M. Burns Jr., Joe Jimenez (I believe one year for a while), Scott Croy, Gary Yeazel, ? Boyne, ? Mc Vicker just to name a few there were many who came and went over the years and of course David even used some of Bennett's employees over the years in a pinch. Other names may or will eventually come to mind. Others were just one day help when cement had to bee wheel barrowed from a distance to the lake front to pour a seawall - that required at least 3-4 just maning wheel barrows and with David and at least 2-3 others manning the area of the seawall pouring - it was quite an operation to see one prepared for forming, the forming of it a nd then the actual pouring then the removing of the forms and finish coat to the seawall. The days of cemetn pours were long and continuous hours until the pour was completed - it meant getting sandwiches and drinks to David and the boys so they could eat their noon meal on the run - while pouring cement. There was the 'after hours' of David and I running back to the job site to check on it whenever cement was poured in any form or shape. There was the time he came in with a wide band of grease mark on his one upper arm and bruised - he and been pinned between the loader bucket and an object - which could of resulted in his arm being severed off; the only near accident that I know of ever occuring from his work. His famous saying - "I'll be there Tueday" to put off those whose jobs he had promised to do - during the evening hours and week-ends when not working he would escape to the middle of the lkae to fish to avoid the phone calls to leave me to handle them.

The kids had there friends after their dad's death and they were with them more than they were at home - the house was a lonely place to be. I had started repairing and painting the plaster walls so I continued doing that - cleanign - strippign up old tile flooring down to the old bare wood floors - stripping out the carpet that need replaced - but no money to do it with and no money to clean it properly with it - plain old fashioned wood floors were alott easier to clean - got some cheap area rugs to cover the bad areas. After the funeral expense were paid then replaced David's chair he was in when he died - and got some other peices as what we had was old and not well taken caare of sionce the kids were allowed to do what ever they wanted - reasoning "they are only kids, your are around to clean up after them, that's what you are around for". I guess I should not of let them go and do as they pleased after their dad died but there was no stopping them - they were allowed to do it while their dad was alive they did not have to listen or obey mom - if mom said 'No' they ran to dad and got to do whatever anyway - they never knew the meaning of 'No' they never really knew what it was to do without - they probably felt the did do with out after their dad died but they money was just not there to hand out on a daily basis behind my back like he done while he was alive. There is always the story of Susie ice skating out on to the middle of the lake one winter - skating around all the fishermen just barely missing their lines - her dad gave her a dollar or two and told her to get home - the story is by the time some called dad 'cheap' she ended up with over $10 and when he came home I was accused of telling her to go out on the ice to him to get moeny from him - SORRY I was not that dumb - I never cared for going out on the ice so why would I send any of my ids out there if I would not do it myself?

May 1991 one finally came and David graduated out of high school - I can still see his 'dog look' expression sittng there amongest his classmates - I know tho he never said that he wished his dad was there he did - I foolishly sent him all his graduation pictures and the video tape - his grandmother got the other one - where it is I have no idea as when my mother died in April 2009 my mother's sister confiscated all the pictures out of her nursing home room before my brother & whis wife could get there to collect her belongings - he had his graduation party at the house and not many of the family showed up which was fine; other friends of his dad showed up.

1993 I started to go to the dances at the Eagles with friends - dances where not allowed to be attended while I was a kid and at home.. I was not allowed to attend my Jr-Sr proms. David would never go to any but I heard from others he was a good dancer.

May 1993 came and Susie also made it through graduation - she was not so down, gloomy, sad looking - but too I know she probably only wanted her father there - mom did not matter - she had her graduation party at the house and not many of the family and only of few others showed up the same invitation list as David had which was fine. She barely made an appearance and went on to other graduation parties of her classmates or to her future husbands Jason Weldon.

I gave Susie my wedding band set and her dads ring I had bought him and she had it done over as there wedding set.

Susie moved out in June 1993 - and David went off to Ball State in August 1993. Susie would come in to see David mainly. After he was off to college only time she would come to the house was to tell me he was coming home for the weekend. He would come home long enough to throw his things into the house - do his laundry rest of time he was out and about Culver with his friends.

I have been told that I am selfish and un-caring by certain family members - guess I was and guess I am. I guess selfishness is giving away all my genealogy for "free", doing this site and other genealogy sites (InGenWeb and UsGenWeb projects) for "free" just because I love genealogy and history and want to preserve some of it without compensation other than a "thank you". I guess back when - doing without so the kids could have or others in the family was selfish; cashing in my small annuity the year David died to pay the bills, the workers and have food was selfish; and in a pinch giving up the piggy bank change went for same when it was meant to fix up the house this was being selfish... Selfish was medical and dental car after to kids as there was no insurance to cover doctor's fees, tests, only hospitializaton which was worthless as there was only one time I used it on an outpatient basis as was demanded and they only paid $200-250 of over a $1000.00 blood gas test bill when I had a lung infection of some type.

I guess I was very selfish - by not looking out for my future - hoarding all the money I could get my hands on, or refusing to pay the bills and stashing it way...by staying home and obeying David's orders "I could not work as long as he was alive." Or refusing to have work hired done that I could do - I would not hire lawn mowing (but David did from 1983 on and I was told I could not mow the lawn it was Forey's job).

Its like going up to a local resturant just 2 blocks from the house after David died and asked if I could have a job in the kitchen to wash dishes or whatever in clean-up behind the scenes out of site of the public eye I would not embarse anyone especially family by asking to be a waitress and was told by the owner that I had to go to the factory (Walker's) and get a job there that; that was what I needed in a job - but you had to be a qualified factory worked and I was not... It was like going to the academy to seek a lowly office job of some type and was being asked "Do you really want to do this right now?"; being told even tho I knew computer, business skills, bookeeping, filing etc. (self taught with David's occupation and working around the lake) I had no education to back it up so I was unqualifed and she could not hire me. So I went back to Ancilla and started with the computer course and business courses. But I kept going back every time I finished a semester anyway to see if I could get some type of office job there but eash time I was refused time and time again till I no longer went and bothered. The final straw came with the academy and its personel department was when I was told by this personnel person that the education now did not really matter and that I had to accept a job in the mess hall kitchen as an aide clean-up personel or janitorial instead of an office job for which I had went to Ancilla for the Computer Science and Business administration associates degree; and that was all she was ever willing to give me! Also being told that the Associates Degree would did not really help me get any job at the academy????

Another local person offered me only $10,000.00 for the house etc. and told me I had to take the kids and move to Las Vegas and work out there as waitress etc. WHY? My kids were Seniors and Sophomores in high school, had their friends in Culver, had attened Culver since the beginning or their school career - and wanted to graduate from Culver; besides Culver was their home - they had just had enough trama in their lives let alone uprooting them from the only life they knew.

So I settled for any odd part time job that would have me, Manpower what ever - yet trying to find work that related to Computer science and Business adminsitration and kept getting told "my qualifications did not meet theirs" or "Do you really want to travel this far to work?" - It all boiled down to what they did not want to say and put in writing because of dicrimination laws - I was over 40 and I had no work history except for the few years I worked at the Coffee Shop there in Culver from 1970-1972; and none of the odd jobs I was getting qualified me for anything but manual labor - Manpower refused to send me to jobs relating to computers, business and office even tho thats what I tested for when I signed up with them and listed my college courses and major etc.

At least I did prove that I COULD DO IT - I graduated Ancilla with a Comptuer Science and Business Administration Associates degree tho it never has done me a bit of good in getting employment in those fields or in office work - in that way it was a waste of ime effort, money, scholarship money and grants BUT in another sense it made me feel good about myself which I have trouble doing even now today. I did not have the "EXPERIENICE" to back it up and NO ONE WOULD GIVE ME THE OPPERTUNITY to get or obtain any - only getting "my qualifications did not meet theirs" or "Do you really want to travel this far to work?" -

It still do what I can in genealogy that is FREE - find FREE computer programs or those that come installed on the computer or given to me other wise and teach myself how to use them and become profiecient in them - I self taught my self webpage designing and still doing so - but again it is useless when it comes to finding employement because it is not backed-up by educational degrees - and I am to old to do that again and get no where with it.

Selfish is doing the InGenWeb sites; giving my genealogy research away free of charge to family friemds, distant cousins. Selfish is doing theLake Maxinkuckee website too I guess. But with it I keep up my old skills and yet learn new ones even tho they do not benifit me financially in any way and I learn new bits of history as I trudge along my path of reasearch.

I am still hanging on to the house at Culver - why - because it is mine - because David left it to me -becaused I dreamed I would never leave it --- that I would died there --- that I would make the front porch into a sunporch/living area -- seems like a fantsy now. I at times wonder what he even left it to me - yet he did - - the last few months he kept telling me I would not have the house more than 6 months after he did as someone would steal it from me... he would never say who, why or how it was to come about...well its sure been a long 6 months! I should never have rented it in the mid 1990's but was talked into it by some of the Culver Eagle's members because a memeber needed a place to live - and it was infered it was sitting there empty and it was being selfish to let it sit empty...well I wish I had been self, i nconsiderate and whatever else - I would of been far better off if I had refused. I try not to cry each time I go there - into it - but if not outwardly I do inwardly - wonder what would of been if David would of lived just a few years longer - if he had left me provided for - if he had allowed me to work.... all the "ifs" that can't be changed...

Spring 2009 is coming or is it? - Easter is too - the symbol of hope, ressurection and rejoicing is it??? We all definetely know the ecomony sucks - excuse my language - and I am sorry to say that we are not in a recession we are in a DEPRESSION - no one wants to admit it - go read the books on the "Great Depression" - this one has it BEAT by a mile - I done a term thesis on it - back when - it was to be limited to 3 pages - The reason it came about, the cause, the effect and the outcome - I had over 50 pages headed for 100 - I forget what I go it trimmed down to but I still have my paper on it - my parents lived through it - I heard their stories - the cream corn & fried potatoes & onions as a meal; for sunday supper was peaches & cream and if you had that you were in 7^th heaven and had more more than others. I have several depression cookbooks where recipes were developed becaus of the "lack of" and there are wonderful stories and some pictures in them -

I am no longer to proud to ask for help in fact in am DESPERATE - All I want is my house that David gave me - maybe to be able to return to it in my old age proably before - tho I am feeling so much older than I am - we are going to need it as a second emergency residence as a friend is in the Miller's Merry Manor at Culver that I am caregiver for - as place to stay in bad weather near by during winter storms etc. (this winter is prime example in way). Now the other friend has went through open heart surgery [aortic valve replacement; right coronary artery bypass, left coronary artery branch by pass; .

I guess I am stupid for caring for others - whether anyone believes it I have always put my self last - I have no self confidence - I do not stand up for my self till its to late - or pushed to the point of non-return - I was never taught by my mother to stand up for my self, my rights - dad well he was "smart, quite, laid back" but he was domineered by mother because she had the "education" she had the "high-paying job" - he was not the one who ruled the house until pushed - he did not believe in un-fairness - - he worked long hard hours - I can remember him coming home afer 9 or 10 p.m. from managing the service station to help me with my homework - - mother never did the only words from her was "I was going to be a registered nurse, she always berated me - her and dad were honor students in High School she could never understand why I barley made a "C" or passing grade maybe an occassionaly "B" if it was a topic I liked or course I liked.

I am failure in her eyes - because I did not attend her nursing school, and become a registered nurse - I did not obey her commands and take my children and move to Flordia with her - I was never taught to be callous or uncaring or if she tried I never learned - I easily exploded when pushed to far - I cry when someone condones me for who I am, what I do, and when I fail to please whom ever - I basically say "yes sir/mam" "no Sir/mam" - I have no confidence to fight back unless I am pushed to a very angered state - then my emoitions take over and fail me. I let people run over me - I have very little self-confidence to fight back in person - it is hidden behind words - I feel and know that I always been a failure in my mother's eyes.

The house would sure be a nice place to be in the winter time nearer to the doctor's office, Plymouth etc and where good ambulance service is available for my friend - to be near my friend who is at Miller's I can walk there is necessary and would -

Every one comes before me and my wants, needs, health - that is what my mother instilled in me - you done what she said, what she wanted, she took what she wanted also after I went to work after high school - she used the "guilt" that she raised me, she provided for me and that I owed her. I was never really allowed to associate, join etc, there is a part of my childhood I lived that I hid and still do - that was never spoke of with my mother or father; or my Aunt, my mothers sister - I ask did they know? Did she hid it from Dad? Just who knew? I am digging for answers till I have these answers concerning that "family person in my life" I doubt if I ever will be a whole confident person - and I have reached the so-called "golden-era" of my life - I realize I may never know what I want to know yet I know part but yet I still need more to "connect the dots" of facts, information that I do not have - Oh well will just have to accept the way things was and are I guess. I am telling more than I probably should - and yet is the "so-called hidden secret" of families that can destory a person - a person's confidence and I have had to live with it without knowing why, why me - why it was allowed.

I have probably said to much - but I have basically lived all my life to please my mother, to please others of my deceased husbands family - to please Culver - please my children - but it seems I did not suceeded at it - I have silent born the guilt - I have silently cried in the night wondering why? - Why me? and then because the later is selfish I have been felt guilty for trying to stand up form my self, be myself, and wish for better life - opertunities for myself - - I was only to please my my mother, my husband - my children - they came first before me - my feelings - what I wanted to do and needed came last, selfish - greedy then I guess I am.

I felt guilty when I purchased my first computer system a Kaypro 2- 5 1/4 floppy system I even almost even boxed it all back up to send back - but decided not to - it was my money. I had that computer for 13+ years and taught my self computer programs one at a time

I felt guilty when I persued genealogy but I learned of my family that my mother and father would not talk of - I found great aunts and uncles I never knew existed and I learned more of our great United States history to through it

I felt guilty when I went back to Ancilla in 1991 - tho it proved I could do it, tho it was worthless to me in getting a job it did not make the diference as another had said it would. It was just another self-accomplishment under my belt with no recongination and no value except to my personal esteem, my selfishness so some would say.

Yes I have been told I am a selfish, conceded person - only caring for myself and no one else - well then I guess I am but I sure have nothing to show for it but a house that at present is not livable - that's a whole other story of being selfish and greedy on my part...

I was at friends when their house blew up from propane gas leak on 16 ^th Dec. 1993 how we got out alive or un-hurt is beyond me but we did and I gave them a place to live and then I moved out with them and have been housekeeper, caegiver etc. ever since - at least its a roof over my head and food. They store clothes from a Good Samaratian store until there is enough for a Goodwill truck to come down from South Bend to pick up - so they are not either burned or pitched to a local landfill - from this comes all my clothing and shoes etc. I am not proud I wear all second hand clothing - like I did when I was in high school - most of my then came from a nurse my mother worked and traded rides with and lived on the academy campus and the dresses, skirts, blouses I wore came from her and another woman who's husband was connected with the academy. I am fustrated - the XP unit went "Dead" the last friday of August 2008 - - - found an old 95 unit and got it to run - - - was given an 98SE but it has its a debugger on it that wants to de-bug everything on the internet and all pages I work on and adobe flash wants to install then tells me it can't - I am getting now where fast -- only angry, more fustrated and trying not to sit here in front of the dam thing and bawl---I do have alot of stuff in the background that needs to be worked on and up

SORRY trying my best ---

Oh I am told I can't get sick - - I got to be strong - I have to hang in - well this gal is getting old, tired, fustrated, disillisuioned and to the point she don't want to hang in, be strong... and she is selfish she wants to be sick! - ITS MY TURN after what 19 years - no - after 36 years when David was born - but I can't afford to be sick theres no medical insurance, no money to pay medical bills, medicine and I do not fully trust doctors anymore anyway - if I am sick I keep on going like the energizer bunny - I got too - I got to be strong - I have to be there for whomever...the way it has been ever since I was a teenager its never changed - it was instilled in me - pounded into me so to speak by my mother.

Just recently (Nov 2009) I was again told I could draw from David's Social Security and should of been drawing from it...well I can't just yet...maybe in 4 another years MAYBE - If I am around...If Social Security still exists...If there is anything left and benifits for me as a widow...

Mother Died April 2009 - still she fell she was in assisted living and was going to be in full nursing home care - she refused to eat and refused to take her mediicine - she was a Registered nurse so she knew all to well what the consquences was - she always did say she was no one was going to care for her and she was not going into a nursing home and live out her life - thus she done what she wanted.

My attitude of nursing home - well David always claimed he would go buy a new rope and...before he would go into one. Well I hate to say it I trully second that opinion after the last few years.

My hopes, dreams...well nothing really I am to the point I can no longer hope...dream...wish... but if I try its for my house... and for this site and my wish list for it. Is life what I expected it to be or of it - HELL NO - I had hoped that David and I would have time for our selves after David and Susie was out of High School - - - that possibly we could travel possible by our selves if only to Florida and back ( Ha Ha knew that would never happen any way ) - - - then there was the figment of his imagination that he told me that some one on the East Shore had offered to pay our way to Scotland etc. to visit his native land and birth place, I know one of those BIG WHITE LIES - no rather YARNS - Truth is I never believed it - :), it was just one of his fish tales or yarns made him feel IMPORTANT!- Funny I believed in family... I was told by his grand daughter, that I was never considered a Burns by them - and was not to use the name .... makes me feel like I was used, unappreciated by husband, children, and family...I hear the echoing words of one family memeber "I am glad it you down there taking care of him and not me'. but of course it was nerver said when anone was around. to hear ti other than me" ... thus no I do not have any self esteem, self confidence, etc. etc. over the years it has all been taken away from me, beaten out of me whatever other terms you want to use... I was to do as asked by them or others what they wanted...not to question...

Last updated 8.12.2009

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